For her and her English....

"Abah ada kat bawah!" said Chae. And therefore, none of Abah's kids will go downstairs.

"Where's your book?" asked Mrs. Thilagavathi.

"Terlupa," a girl replied.

"Where's your book?!" asked her again, with a slight higher tone of voice.

"Terlupa," she repeated and started to sob.

"Where's your book?" the woman repeated the question but this time, she asked to the boy that sat next to the girl she spoke earlier to.

"I forgot," he replied.

"Now, where's your book?" she asked to the girl again.

"I forgot," and then, she bursted into tears, as usual.

Few years after that...

"Verb is an action word," said Mrs. Leong.

"Plural and singular..bla bla bla..." she continued, and the same girl, just listened and started to understand more and more regarding that foreign language in once in a week, until the next three(3) months.

Time passes by...

She had never thought that, she could do that language, not at all. Never, and even until today, she felt impressed with herself as to compare with the 'she' above. But, praise to the Almighty, she's at least, know a little idea about the language as she knew that, she is still in the process of learning. Perhaps, she will keep learning until the day that the angel of death takes her away from this dimension. Even during this writing, she has this 'insecure' feeling. Perhaps, she still 'holding' a very big doubt at her own ability and this what's matter most. She doesn't care what others think about her language, but when she is the one who think and has prejudice, she can even die. And that's how she lives her life.

To summarize all,

Spelling is so nut(kacang). Pronounce is so not a big deal. Comprehension is okay. Grammar is always the challenging the most.

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Mrs.Thilagavathi was my English teacher when I was in my standard four of primary school, back in the year 1999, and the boy that I called jiran-meja(table-mate) was Nazmi Syazwan and we still keep in touch via Facebook. While Mrs. Leong, she was the only tuition teacher that I ever had in my whole life. 

About the 'Abah kat bawah' stuff, he always asked us to read English newspaper, especially during weekends, when suddenly the papers were like four-million inches thicker than the weekdays. So, especially on every Sunday, we, the siblings would never simply going downstairs if we saw him reading the newspaper in the living room. All we needed to do was, to have a little peek-a-boo from the stairs. But, as Sundays were not only happen once in a lifetime, so, I was caught for few times. But the pokerface skill was superb. Eventhough my inner voice was screaming as if I had been abused or about to face a death sentence, but my facial expression was as angelic as the word angel itself. And whoever got caught, they will be mocked especially by me or Chae. If Chae got caught, then I'll mock, and vice versa. We were a mutual enemy, back then. So, kinda hate boys, thanks to him. Who like to get mocked? The feeling of the pride got hurt was more severe than anything else in this world! It's almost like, better die than being mocked. Kids. DUH~

So, I would reluctantly sat next to Abah, and the most 'heavy' part was, he'll tested us to the fullest.

"Aaa, kamu, sini, baca ni kuat-kuat."

"Apa maksud mesmerized?"

"Tu apa?"

"Pergi ambil kamus. Jangan malas"


...

......

=.=

So, basically, all these were started to happen to me, since I was standard three(3). That would be nine(9) years old. I supposed to play like other kids do, but, yeah..I guess that's my destiny, I mean our destiny. The brain was just to lazy to do all those research and everything that needs it to get worked out, and the worst part, it was by force. Even so, as to not make myself getting forced, there was few times, I did do all those 'procedures' without getting told, and later I received praised by Abah. Hahahaha. Trying to act like a nice daughter. Pffft. But, as I am here, right now, I feel grateful for all those forces that Abah had put, because, at least, even if my MUET(Malaysian University English Test) was only Band-4, but at least the skill to use the dictionary and how to pronounce words correctly were all thanks to him. Because, there was a time, where a friend of mine said to me,

"Wani cepat kalau tengok kamus, yang saya ni terkial-kial nak cari huruf."

And she's my diploma friend. That time, I only realized that even to use dictionary, a skill is needed, and so, I feel so grateful. Who knows, since I wasn't in her shoes, because seriously, her remark was kinda gave me a shock. I never even thought about it. Urrghh, how to say aa, but basically it's like that lah. So kids, I know it such a boring and no-fun work to find so many alphabetical letters in a dictionary, but, just do it. It's gonna be useful when you grow up. Just do it. No one is a pro the moment he's born, so only by practicing, then only you'll be skillful, even just to find words in the dictionary! I started from bottom, so I know.

Forgot. The first English word that I understood. When I say understood, it means, I know how and when to use it. I know I can read and pronounce well, but that's just in different league. The thing is, I didn't even know what is English, and that was the biggest obstacle that I needed to break, or to jump over or whatever. Why do I have to learn it? What for? So many questions. I even thought of 'Who is the trouble-maker that invented this so-called English?' And yeah, I cried, because of, I believe I felt humiliated. The teacher asked me to stand until I say the 'terlupa' in English, and a big thanks to another person that didn't bring the text book too. Haha. Truthfully, I can't ever erase those moments in my life. NEVER! But when I asked Nazmi again if he remembers those memories, he said, "No." I guess, it is true that no one give sh*ts about others life. 

But it took me another two(2) years before I finally understood English and that was in the year of 2001, the same year that I had to sit for UPSR(Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah). That 'Verb is an action word' was my moment of truth. The obstacles were punched and wrestled and whatever it was, and here I am today. Again, I can never forget my very first meeting with Mrs. Leong. Mrs. Leong was a legend in my family. From the eldest until me, except for our Austistic brother, she taught us. And as usual, comparison is a must, and the one held the 'throne' was Chae. I wish I can have his brain. Anyway, it's just that I was the only one who did not finish till the end. I only had the chance to be her student for only three months as we moved from Jalan Terasek to Pantai Hillpark. Although I thought that I wanted to be the only one among the siblings that do-not-go-for-tuition, but I guess, Mama's decision was not wrong. Imagine, if I didn't see Mrs. Leong at the first place, I guess, this blog will not exist. Haha. DUH~  I still remember doing my first English essay SERIOUSLY. You know, like, I did so many essays, but, SERIOUS was never there. I did everything blindly , and what did I know, the worst I could get was low marks. That's all. But there, with Mrs. Leong, I sat right in front of her. So, to kid around, I didn't think that would be a nice idea. Again, I was forced to be serious. I was the youngest in the session, and there were Mimie(a three-years older sister of mine) and her friend, the friend and her two years younger little sister who sat together somewhere behind Mrs. Leong, and three Chinese guys sat behind me. I was alone directly facing right in front of Mrs. Leong's nose. So, kinda cool to know that I learn whatever this 'old folks' learnt. I think, if I'm not mistaken, I started to feel happy after the 4th session. I think, for my whole life, I just had so many training of this,

"Bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian"

It is a Malay proverbs that you can find the meaning in Google. Thank you.

When I took my diploma course in Pure Science, I rather scored in English paper than the core courses itself. Except during my third semester, where the grade was depended on a team-assignment. I just....errgghhh....I just prefer individual assignment, that's all. I got C+ for that paper. 'Thank you' teammates. The rest, A. Since PMR(Penilaian Menengah Rendah), I never got below A. So, it was a mind-blowing to see C letter in my result slip. 

And during my degree days, I joined the UiTM English Debate club for a while. And my original intention was to distract myself from some personal matters that really burden my mind at that time, and also, to test out my English in communication. I managed to take part in, err.. I didn't remember the term, but I was once won against budak-INTEC which were super hot-looking guys. I was team up with a law student, and yeah, we won. So, I packed up, and leave the university all at once. I'm already smart, who needs college? Ahaha, kidding.

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"Kau pandai English, senang la cakap."

I would really love to voluntarily kill those whoever have said or will say that to me. 

And I am SERIOUS.

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One of my dream before I leave this world is to do exactly what Mrs. Leong did for me last time. 

And, I guess, Allah s.w.t grants it.

~Alhamdulillah~

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*p/s: To my readers, I am so sorry for my mistakes and flaws during all these writings, but I will always correct myself in the future, and who knows, this blog can be a reference to one. Wouldn't it be cool? 

Therefore, I'll keep learning. (God's will)

Dr. Bromeley? Where are you? Ahahaha