n~5ive

You know, your soul is still alive within me? And the spell isn't broken yet, not until I really receive the 'paper'. Hey, I'm kind of lost right now. You know, all the enthusiasm that I had two years ago, is fading.And I have not even reach the half of the way yet. I'm tired. So tired. I feel like I can't do this. And I literally feel like talking to you about this. Not because you could offer any solutions, but your silence would satisfy me enough. But, as I know you, you will provide me a way out, a practical one. I'm unhappy. I can feel it. I feel so lonely on this particular journey. I can't fake it anymore. I feel like to stop it. ... But I can't. Not for a second time. I can tell that, it's been a tough time for me, especially since recently. Many stuff happened. And i start to lost more interest in it. Hey, Sometimes, I imagine that, it would be so much fun to have you along in this journey. Maintaining e...

You know, there's this situation, where, a single statement that gives a huge impact in our lives. I had some in my life, and, it's either words of care, concern, advise or even critics. And I'm so glad that as far as I know, those words remain stay in my heart and mind. To be frank, I was an empty headed, empty heart-ed. EMPTY. But, I didn't know since when, but, I suddenly found my life purpose. Last night was one of my happiest moment, eventhough, it's one of the annual routine. Now you see, because it is especially an 'ANNUAL' routine, I thought, it should be recognized to be celebrated. Well, at least, for an empty person like me. Feeling happy was a rare stuff for me. Perhaps, the moment I got the full 'control' of my life, I started to really find any ways to taste the feeling. And it has to be genuine. That's it. No other rule. Because, Happy is Happy. It can't be Happy is Sad, no. And it works, al the time. Erm.....can...

First of all, I recorded this video, so I won't forget what had happened on the final day while I was still in that world. So they were the people that revolved around me for the past four years, six months and seventeen days. That would be from 1st of April 2014 until 17th of October 2018,  It's a life that I never ever dream of. It's a huge number. Guys, this blog is an enough evidence of who I was. But it's all in the past, because, TOMORROW!!! Yeah! Tomorrow by A1! So, specially to my fellow ex-colleagues, via SMULE. Listen when you want to or miss me. Click the link below. https://www.smule.com/recording/a1-a1-tomorrow/517649785_2500295989 Anyway, this is the original singers. A1.They're my all time favorite boyband since I was 12, and now, they're making their Reunion Tour, which I hope they come to Malaysia. Ok, off-topic! Well, I started writing this post since 10AM this morning, but ended ...

Yeah, I'm officially a competent driver effective today onward (God's Will), right? That's what they refer it as, right? A competent driver. Please do zoom them in. :) I have a few lyric lines from two particular songs in my mind now to fit this moment. "I was stupid, I was foolish, I was lying to myself~~" in We Belong Together by Mariah Carey, and, "Too young, too dumb, too realizeeeeeeeeeee~" in...we all knowlah. hmm... And today, I just knew that with only RM30, I could actually...............save a thousand(more) bucks.............................OK COP, the feeling just hit me, right now. Man....What the heck I was thinking back then???? Thousands ringgit-o over RM30!!!?? ...... Noni........if this wasn't hit your sanity enough, I don't know whatelse to say about you. Ok, here's the story. On 2009, I think towards the end of the year, while I was still stu...

Hey you, Somebody was unintentionally opening up what I already referred as, forgotten stories, about us. Us. Haha, us, sounded so scandalous. If only one knew, which include yourself. Where to really begin this.. Maybe this should be emphasized on, again and again. If we were to still continue the communication, using all kind of latest technologies, especially these days, trust me, we would become the best buddy, ever. Even you'll find that I'm a blessing in disguise. LOL. Well, yeah, the somebody. She asked, out of blue, specifically, "Did you ever have someone from your past, that you're no longer in touch because of the fact that there's no way it could be done, because, that's that, but suddenly, a third party, informed to you, that, the forgotten person, asked about your whereabouts, how are you, through him/her?" "No," almost immediately. So, she continued," Bla bla blaaa, it feels good to know that someone is thinking abo...

Selamat Hari Raya Hajiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Well, well...where to start. Fiuu... I love everything that happened since the past 2 weeks, until yesterday, because today, something unpleasant to my feeling happened. But since 'today' is only 'a'day if I were to compare about the rest of the previous days, awesome stuffs kept coming and coming. So, yeah, before I even planned to type out here, I thought that, I should be grateful rather than keep being stuck with that unpleasant-ness. Back on 2015, I made my new year resolutions, and I had like, 10 wishes? Well, lemme check again. *throwing off all the stuff to find the evidence.                Oh, there were actually 12 of them. And apparently, only on the earlier of this month, I actually, managed to complete 10 of it. So, it wasn't necessary for me to complete that 2015 wishes on that particular year as well. After all, afte...

.......it's just started today, but I already almost turn-into a Hulk Hogan. Yes, with 'a'.  *sigh.. The body's temperature is maintaining its number at the temperature of not-less than 37.1 degree Celcius. Since maybe at 4PM? because, from that very moment onward, I can feel as if the head was about to experience an explosion. I don't complain about the thing I've been doing for the past 4 years and 4 month(exactly today), but the people are getting weird. Okey, people are too much, but the person in-charge must have gone.....what word to choose eh.....must have been....so weird. So alien, that if he were to live in Mars, even the alien community over there would put him onto an electric chair and BZZZZTTTTTTT. May he rest in peace. .... Or maybe I am no longer a refreshing tinkly pinkly ting tong ting tang person anymore due to ageing factor that I don't enjoy overtime shift? I was literally almost burst...like..l...

... Dumbfounded. Right now, right here, I wish to disappear, literally. I don't know........*sigh All these humans... just do whatever you want lah. Nothing much I could do about you all anyway... All these emotions are just giving unnecessary heartaches to me. Just do anything you want. You are right, very right. Don't mind about me, I won't even appear, anymore. I'm counting my days anyway. Pity you to know me, isn't it? I can't help. For all the sukati words poured out from your mouth, it must be hard for you to suppress it for a long time, actually. Again, I cannot care. It's been always a lonely ride for me. It's just that, curiosity that led me to here. Now that the curious has faded. Then it must be a parade for you. But, I cannot care. tata.

I think, I should accept the fact that I'm just a no-fun-guy. I thought, I did my best, to become a brand new me. Free from whatever kind of person I was. Though, everything seem to run pretty smoothly, who knows, this thing that I resume after keeping it under the low light for some years, thinking that I can only get back into action, once, I am confirmed enough, that I am ready. .... But I wasn't. Or, never will I. *sigh.. Too much things on my mind now. Let's start with one. TRUST ISSUE I always don't trust anyone. How I do it, nobody has any access to my thoughts, and physically, I would rather distance myself from matters that do not attract my interest, no matter how popular the matters are. I just don't. And this, really the main point of what I meant as the boring-me. I would become the mood spoiler. But, no once cares much. But still, I tried to fix this thing, just so, I'll be mu...

Whether I'm alive or dead, I don't this would affect anyone. F*** off with all those so called care and love. F*** off. I'm dead.

LOL I thought it's an Indonesian material. Well, the lyric's content doesn't really reflect what I have on my mind now, but, lemme just borrow the song's title. So, yup, April. Effective 2014, until this 2018, my every Aprils had been.. I don't really know how to put it into words, but, there are some kind of occurrences that will stick to my memory for a very long time. Like on 2014, I found my I've-always-prayed-to-have-this-kind-of-job job which I manage to sustain up till this very moment. Something that I never have even the slightest clue, that I can do. I once thought, the freedom-seeker me always will put me into troubles during my adult moments. I praised be to HIM for this part. None of these are achievable if it's not something from HIM. Then on 2015, I got in touch again with my best-est man. Not much I want to say about this part. But as for now, I don't see anyone that is more capable than him, in the matter of handling m...

Without even I realise, today is the day, three years ago, we both met again, eyes-to-eyes, after about five years...  ...  Who knows... You could, at least, be the closest person in my life today..  My hope for this -ship, is for both of us to be the better person, and will leave an impact to the world,  one day. There's so much to write, but too limited vocabulary. Plus... I'm really bad at all these lovely writings. #W2W

..... I dunno where to start. Things are going on accordingly, that I think, I have reached to a state where I feel....empty. Empty....but I believe not the kind of empty I felt last last time. It's a brand new 'empty'. Emptiness that cannot be settled or to be dealt by, complaining. Ok, why not if I start with, the fact that this year I am 29. 29. Twentyyyy NINEEEEEEEEE. When I was around 22, I read on some random articles about, "What should you have by the age bla bla bla..." and I still do. So, obviously, today, I read, "What is being a 30." Hmm.... ... Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... Hmmmmmm.. I think, for now, I just read one or two. And, I have to say, I am quite, have achieved most of the listed. And yet..... even while typing all these down, I can still feel the emptiness. Let's see....... You see...... On my facebook wall, I have this so called cover page. And...

I am fool. It seems like I never learn anything from my mistakes. I knew that to be close with anyone, meaning to open a way for my heart to be hurt. Then, the most hurtful thing can happen is to lose them. And here I am again, experiencing it. WHY ME? WHY? I should have live this life alone.... Yeah, people said, "Duh, we can still see one another," but little did they know that, I am a kind of friend who prefer to have real interactions than any other way. Yeah, I am. Sometimes, the song. Sometimes, the lyrics. Sometimes, the rhythm. Sometimes, voices. Sometimes, the clips. .... Yeah, I am a freaking emotional person, to the core. But what should I do? I remember there were times, I tried to ignore this s**t feeling matter, but what did I become? I became a monster. I hurt people, just so, I could regret everything later. I tried, I tried, really. Yeah, of course these departures were informed ear...