n~5ive

And so another pregnant story is being added up on the 'road'. I have to say this, it's weird. I knew that I was 'processed' the same way, but, that's my mom, but these are my friends. Aren't they too advance? Or is it me who's actually late or lame?  There was this game I played not so long time ago. I couldn't recall its name, but pretty much about life cycle of a person. Basically, I had to choose my life path. I started off as a baby, and schools, then after school was where I had to make a kinda huge decision. There were like, either career or continue to higher education level. And no matter how much was the frequency of me playing it, I would come to a point where I WILL get pregnant, and for every level elevated, I might even got twins. And then, I had to choose my retirement style. I remember the options, one was me living in the coolest apartment in the city, one was living in bungalows with garden, and the last option was like li...

Seriously, she was in Serikin, Sarawak last year on this date. Everything was still fresh, she hasn't even re-read her daily journals while she was there yet. Fiuuhhh..... Anyway, 2014 has been so cool, maybe there were some trembles in the beginning, but overall(as on 131214 ), it's cool. She got back to her original-since-childhood plans. Everything was actually started on March. There is this verse in one of the Maher Zain's hits, right in minute 01:59 (do listen if you can). ".....ouh, Allah, I realize what I was missing, by being far from you.." ( Oh! Sorry, terlayan pulak. ) So, yeah, until she took the first step. And it's true, more doors were opened for her. And it all started with one 'great' step, a step that she never even put into consideration before. Perhaps, it's an intuition by HIM. The details are not known by many as she decided to keep within herself on what really happened, with whom she has met, why she chose that...

It's been a very lonely journey. She's actually going through everything on her own. Maybe she seems to be ignorant, mindless, selfish, irritating, in anyone's naked eyes. But's she is lonely. Being her trueself, what is trueself at the first place? If she could, she'll do whatever she wants and likes, disobeying every single rules, and ignore. But what choice does she have? She was taught to always seek for eternal happiness that can't be found in here. She does have desires. Desires to conquer the world, desires to make whatever crosses her mind that seems impossible to be true, desires to be..... And, she has no choice but to wait... Waiting for the eternal happiness. When? No one knows. Will she ever be selected? To be part of the happiness? She couldn't ignore the emptiness occupying within her. The unexplainable pain. It's like volcano readily to be erupted at any moment, vomiting lava of yearns that have been buried for years. But all she...

As in mean of relationship between a lady and a man. She's not like most ladies out there especially ladies at her age, but how can she be so sure about it, and even dare to make comparison like that? She knew that when all the men that she's been 'specially connected' with, previously, they shared the same complaints. What were the complaints? They always ended up fighting and arguing. As far as she concerns, she's always been a provocative one. Ego? Not so much, because she's too, always the one who apologize in the first hand. But who like to keep a relationship like that? More sounded like a bipolar-type of relationship. And that way, men left her. It's true right? The men? She's calling you out, the MEN. But to say specifically that she's been dumped, she doesn't think that's really a correct term to use, as she never really has a boyfriend. Like, telling to whomever like, "Hey! This is my boyfriend." Never. It'...

1989 I was born. 1990 I got no idea how was I doing, 1991 Still clueless. 1992 Maybe I was still too innocent to understand life as a birthday person. 1993 Nope, still blur. 1994 Erm? 1995 Mama gave me a bag filled with colourful of toy blocks. I remember of playing them at the doorway, and she was in rush to attend a course at somewhere. I played them alone, I still remember. And the feeling? I felt happy. I did. Location was in Terengganu. 1996 My cousin who's sharing the same birth-month except that hers is on two days earlier, we celebrated together with what I could say, a very huge birthday party attended by relatives, neighbours and all I could remember was, there were so many people. We both wore a flower-pattern dresses. We kinda had this issue of choosing Pak Uda's gift, at the end I got Mc Donald's Apple-Pie Maker toy version, and she got a teddy bear. Kinda felt bad because of the selfishness, but, should I say, what past is past? Location ...

I still remember that sacrificing was the last thing I would do, back then. What kind of sacrifice? Let's say, I need to get up early on weekend just because I am a lady that need to be in the kitchen or doing stuff that lady-should-do or in other word, to sacrifice my sleeping hours? Hey, I had spent the rest of my weekdays, gettin' up as early as before the clock strikes seven(ouh trust me, I live with many people in one house, and to be the first one to get cleaned was so not my style, so I always the last one to get showered, ahakz), get chilled at almost zero degree temperature stuff(exaggerating IS my style), and get my self well presented with the-last-nite-ironed-school-uniform, and now for that precious two days left, I need to be like that five? Dude............ I can't sacrifice that easily man... I was selfish, and I was fine with that. Plus, people didn't really care about my existence as much as today(still not much, but since it's more, even a...

Kite rindu korang... Baru-baru ni kite asik ternampak statement ngan ayat pasal persahabatanlah, kawan lah... Kenape korang tinggalkan kite... Teruk sangat ke kite? Kenape kite kene kenal kalau at the end kite akan jadi camni? Why??WHY????? Nape korang tak blah je awal-awal? Kenape sekarang sumenye asing walhal kite sume penah bayangkan mase depan kite same-same? Dengan sume kenangan yang penah kite sume create? Then sekarang, macam tak penah ape-ape berlaku.... What is that? Kenape kene jadi camni? Kite rindu korang.. Kan Kite penah makan same-same... Kite penah buat decision same-same... Kite penah berangan same-same... Kite penah spend mase lapang same-same... Kite penah buat keje bengong same-same... Kite penah jadi poyo same-same... Kite penah kutuk and bahan orang lain same-same... Kite penah masuk nasyid and menang nombor satu same-same.... Kite penah lari 10km bawak full FSMO same-same.. Kite penah kene guling-guling...

Kite rindu korang... Baru-baru ni kite asik ternampak statement2 ngan ayat pasal persahabatanlah, kawan lah... Kenape korang tinggalkan kite... Teruk sangat ke kite? Kenape kite kene kenal kalau at the end kite akan jadi camni? Why??WHY????? Nape korang tak blah je awal-awal? Kenape sekarang sumenye asing walhal kite sume penah bayangkan mase depan kite same-same? Dengan sume kenangan yang penah kite sume create? Then sekarang, macam tak penah ape-ape berlaku.... What is that? Kenape kene jadi camni? Kite rindu korang.. Kan Kite penah makan same-same... Kite penah buat decision same-same... Kite penah berangan same-same... Kite penah spend mase lapang same-same... Kite penah buat keje bengong same-same... Kite penah jadi poyo same-same... Kite penah kutuk and bahan orang lain same-same... Kite penah masuk nasyid and menang nombor satu same-same.... Kite penah lari 10km bawak full FSMO same-same.. Kite penah kene guling-guling satu Sera...

I'll be officially turn into 25 years old lady. Frankly typin', I always consider myself as a-not-yet-25-since-everytime! Reasons? Because being 24 and 25 are so not the same. I still feel that I deserve to be immature, ignorant, leading a less directive and still unstable in every single angle and so much carefree life until I'm 25. Like official one. I'm a late born~er anyway. But still not as late as one of my squad named Atong, 'cos he was like born on a day before the last day of the year 1989. I always felt pitiful with the people like me, because we still have to handle stuff as the earlier born~er does. After all, even science had proven about growth process and stuff. Like our brain development, every single minute counts. So, of course my another squad, Ajan'; who was New Year(1989)baby, brain reaches its maturity farmost than Atong's! And yet, they had to learn exactly the same things at school, same topic at the same speed with the hope they c...

13.08.2014 Wednesday 2000 hrs I ran out from the building like a Bulls-eye(Toy Story 3), leaving everything behind with my most beloved pink travel bag, my pink bag pack and waited for the bus for almost 5 minutes before I decided to walk with my sole legs and even my colleague was like, Are-you-serious-hun?-Cause-that-is-so-not-real,-cause-it's-so-dark-and-late-and-are-you-freaking-serious? kinda face, and I was like, Yeah-of-course-I'm-serious-DUH-and-I-have-to-cause-I-ain't-gonna-let-the-train-leave-me-again-like-two-freaking-years-ago expressions. Trust me, everything were done using body language.  And so, with myself pulling my travel bag, with the most optimist-minded of reaching the KTM Kuala Lumpur station to catch my ETS SILVER train at 2104 HOUR bound to Ipoh, all I can say now, it was a complete pathetic moment of my life ever, yet, very insane. Seriously, I understand my friend's reaction when I told her I wanted to walk from my office building until t...

Hi. It's been a while since we say 'hi', right? Simply because the fact that we are no longer say 'hi' like the old times, or just a plain we don't say 'hi' anymore, I don't know which which either. You see, it's pretty late for me to say all these 'upcoming', because the no-longer-'hi'-ing stuff is already 'been done' for not less than two(2) years already. And, I guess it's just a plain 'my style' to keep things for sometimes, and when the 'heat' is not that hot anymore, then, I'll be like now. I won't look up for any of you anymore.  Because.... Well, I had the intention before actually.. A very small part in me...... I had a thought like... "One day, I will come to them, and explain." And I guess I need to admit that sometimes I even stalk you guy's Facebook account via my secondar...