In two months and fourteen days

I'll be officially turn into 25 years old lady. Frankly typin', I always consider myself as a-not-yet-25-since-everytime! Reasons? Because being 24 and 25 are so not the same. I still feel that I deserve to be immature, ignorant, leading a less directive and still unstable in every single angle and so much carefree life until I'm 25. Like official one. I'm a late born~er anyway. But still not as late as one of my squad named Atong, 'cos he was like born on a day before the last day of the year 1989. I always felt pitiful with the people like me, because we still have to handle stuff as the earlier born~er does. After all, even science had proven about growth process and stuff. Like our brain development, every single minute counts. So, of course my another squad, Ajan'; who was New Year(1989)baby, brain reaches its maturity farmost than Atong's! And yet, they had to learn exactly the same things at school, same topic at the same speed with the hope they can strive the same result! That's just how unfair I always seen the life is.

Therefore, since my youthful days are almost come to an end, what do I expect my 25 would be like is that at least, I found my real life path, directions, focus, passion, and become a real mature organism. I'm actually had enough of playing right now. I have tasted almost everything that one should have taste in their adolescent. All I need now is a new challenge that could reflect me as a 25. But, what is it?

Hobbies? Found. Ambition? Found. Right people? Found. The answer of 'what am I doin' here on this freakin' planet'? Found. And all those basic needs I think I already found 'em.

Okey, let's try to be a little sentimental since my eyes and heartbeats don't want me to enter the dreamworld yet right now. I think the only thing that I'm still in lacking is, a trust toward people. The sentence applies to everyone except myself; 'cos Imma 'people' too. I only believe in myself. You? Yeah you, I can't trust you. How can I trust you when the way you lead your life is still so 'unrealiable'. How do I know? To say I know much is maybe too much but I can always immediately know once I communicate with you. If via talking, even from the tone of your voice I can already determined how do you see this world as. Not to mention if we started a deep conversation, and you should know that my brain functions the best when I don't release more words than you. Your eyes. Where do they always wander? I always know. You know what do all these called?

COMMON SENSES

But I'm not saying all the above in a boastful manner, though, but more to grateful to be honest. I really want to thank Allah s.w.t for givin' me that. But, it's not an easy process, anyway. It requires my time, sweats, tears, multiple times of heart broken events, thoughts and prides. Actually more than these, but that's all for now. Plus, I am glad that Allah s.w.t gave me the ability to 'stay alive till the end' when reading books. B'cos from books, I got three-quarter of my current knowledge, where the remaining was from everyday life experience.

It's cool to own a common sense. My perspective on humanity has changed a lot especially since the last three years. I learned the most in that range of time. To think again, why? After all I am not the only one who was born on 1989. How can I be different from her or him or whoever that was born on 1989? How can she become mature faster than me? How can he found his life direction since long time ago, as to compare me who only found it not longer than 8 months ago? What differ us?  Is there any connection between my brain cells and theirs? Is it that theirs are well-developed, while mine is still struggling to grow healthily? This part of life is very mind-boggling if I let my logic to be  in-charge.

So it's just a simple method that I decided to use. 'Since I'm 25, I must be this and that' kind of practice. Some people practice 'just go with the flow' life, but for me, that's pretty frightening. B'cos it's like willingly letting a mosquito bite your skin and all you do is just smile, whereas the better idea is to smash it, thus kill it. I always take control over my life(logically, but the truth is, it is Allah's job) and so I'm the person who always kill the the mosquito. I don't let nature to find my way, I find it. And in the end, I become a boring creature. 

I always predicting my life, my future. And by far, I am still in the right track, seriously. Just a little turbulence maybe, but they didn't affect massively, just as a bit of fun I should say.

But, my pridiction ability seems to encounter a very huge concrete wall. I don't know what will happen in my 25. Seriously. I already done the most part of a normal life experience. And to be precise, the only thing left is, an accompany that is like, a companion. Actually I still have few things undone, just b'cos I want to do it with the companion. Plus with all my best girlfriends and boyfriends have found theirs, I am now feel so lonely. By physical, I have people like my family, my colleagues, and some friends from alma mater, but that is not the real version of myself. And right now, that real version just gets more and more less patient to expose itself.

Maybe that's the new challenge that I have to take up when I turn into 25 on this year mid of November. But I don't want to. I don't want to when all I need is a talking companion. So why should I need to see that as a life challenge? To be frank, that is all I need. And also a companion that can show a little interest about my life. I don't need much, enough with just knowing me as a person with strong desire when she desiring things, a person who is actually keeping all the sad things alone, a person who loves seeing ocean, a person who loves about her childhood memories, a person who never betrays unless being betrayed, a person who enjoys each second of her life, a person who never let anyone change her stand unless their stand is better to be followed, a person that loves Barbie, a person who adores her cousin; Ya, so much, a person who just had watched The Little Rascals(1994) movie just now, a person that will do anything to be in HIS heaven as a return, a person that is imperfect yet always want to do things perfectly, and a person.

Where art thou? I'm getting old already. Before it's too late, b'cos I don't want to find you. I just plain don't want to find you. But maybe I'll wait for you. But again, I'm one second older at every tick-tock on the wall clock. So don't let me become 'over-ripe', 'cos when I do, not a single creature 'can take me away', except for my dear Most Gracious and Most Merciful, as-Samad. 

I'm actually challenging myself to let a creature to 'interfere' my life.

I'll be waiting until I don't want to.