Berkorban? Oh man...
I still remember that sacrificing was the last thing I would do, back then. What kind of sacrifice? Let's say, I need to get up early on weekend just because I am a lady that need to be in the kitchen or doing stuff that lady-should-do or in other word, to sacrifice my sleeping hours? Hey, I had spent the rest of my weekdays, gettin' up as early as before the clock strikes seven(ouh trust me, I live with many people in one house, and to be the first one to get cleaned was so not my style, so I always the last one to get showered, ahakz), get chilled at almost zero degree temperature stuff(exaggerating IS my style), and get my self well presented with the-last-nite-ironed-school-uniform, and now for that precious two days left, I need to be like that five? Dude............ I can't sacrifice that easily man...
I was selfish, and I was fine with that. Plus, people didn't really care about my existence as much as today(still not much, but since it's more, even a little change gave a huge impact on me, though). Or perhaps, there wasn't much things I need to sacrifice, too. Errmm, let me think back, apart from my sleep, whatelse...
OH! I got one more. You see, I'm the fifth of eight in my family, and should I say, I'm actually pretty fair in my action. Like a drumstick part of the whole chicken. There are always two of them, aite? Before my most beloved youngest bro was born, that part were always belong to our Autistic bro and the seventh lil' bro. It's like a mature people do, without being told, I automatically won't take that part. Woahaa, I'm mature since before!!
Mentioning the word 'fair', oh yeah! I got one more. Ok first of all, in Twitter, the was this hashtags #BigFamilyProblem. I think I want to write up like these later, "Always in competition. #BigFamilyProblem" on my account @jongupBAPjjang(please follow me, LOL). Anyhow, yes, competition. It always happen between me and my other three sisters, or with the sane big brother. I think in the year of 2008, there was this musical about the legendary Allahyarham P. Ramlee, if I'm not mistaken, tickets, sponsored by some forgotten-the-name person. And, who the hell is givin' out five free tickets in this today's world? Like, "FIVE free tickets to be won contest!", that looks and sounds so weird, so, of course there were only four of them. The end of the story, I just silently let my two big sisters, with the thought that I need to respect the elders, and for my little sister, I felt like I'm big enough to think like an adult, and so I just give her the opportunity, thinkin' that since she is still small(my lillies are always small in my eyes until now). And the point here is, so what about me? I mean, if elders need to be respected, and the younger should be given out opportunities, then what about me? So, there, I finished my point of being 'fair'. I think I should receive a standing ovation for havin' this value, ahakz.
Surroundin' myself in a bigger society as a grown up person; a fact that I cannot run away from even I already tried the hardest to avoid, the definition of sacrificing too, has become more wide. Sleep, where it was once my most precious thing in the world, can no longer be 'upheld'. If whenever last time, my sleep was interrupted, the whole day I would makin' the most pissed expression, where some people in the family got hurt. That was so me. Why pissed? Because to me, if I chose a humbler steps, I knew that the return is an annoying sarcasm. So, with that vineger-taste-like expression, there will be like an invisible concrete wall formed, and thus, I ended my day without that sarcastic remarks. Hah! But trust me kids, when you get older, you know it wasn't a wise move. But, let's just say, time cannot be reversed, so I learned. I stop. I sacrifice a lot more my sleep hours already.
I am an ashkar, remember? Even I insisted on tellin' everybody how much I mistakenly entered it at the first place, I still remember on not sleepin' the whole night, because we had to run as Obstacle Run Course(O.R.C) organizer plus as participants. And that time, I can't practice my vinegar-secret-recipe, right? So, that's what I meant by "I can't forever run away from the fact and reality". And the best lesson from the event, my girl squad and I won the race as first for lady category, and a winner as a whole as my guy squad was a silver-winning for organization category. I lack in sleeping, but I proved to myself, I cam still alive! What was I thinkin' for all these while? Haha. Silly me. I really into that scientific fact about that eight hours of sleepin', then only we called it as sufficient. From then, I started to think deeply into my sleep fact. I questioned myself that I always prioritize my sleep, but what about my study hour? I think I always sacrifice them, wherelse, at the end of the day, the one that gonna 'save' me in my life is my study, not sleep. Right?
Working life. When I was a school student, with the routine of wakin' up at 0630 hours daily, and finished by around 1330 hours tick tock, I always feel depressed when I think about my future. Trust me, I was only eight when I started to have this thought. Lookin' at my auntie who worked in office, and could only came home at evening, I always didn't want that kinda life when I become like her, physically. Imagine, schooltime is like 0730 hours until 1330 hours, I almost became insane, whatelse to have a nine to six?? Am I kreji(crazy)?? I started to draw up my future in my mind. And until my second semester of my degree, there's nothing major hiccups I needed to face since everything followed as planned, before I decided to take a lil' route and break my own rules. Even when I first decided to enter the workin' life, I planned them carefully. Remember, workin' at fixed nine to six was what I tried to avoid.
But like I said, I can't NEVER run away. After all, it's been a responsibility. I always knew that I'm lackin' in that value last time. But now, here I am. A lil' more responsible one. I think that's the biggest sacrifice I'm doing right now. Eventhough the above stories were so like exposin' my flaws when I was a kid, I think I learned the best from my past. That's why I always convince to others that, my point of views are always valid. I never say things I have never experienced.
InsyaALLAH, my dream is to become more better person. I don't want to repeat my weird pasts.
Have a great Eid Adha to my brothers and sisters and may this October is fulfill with more sacrifice-actions then the previous October. And may all the good deeds we do now, will get us the ticket to HIS Heaven as return later.
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