The very first time in my life.

The memories of my childhoods are quite strong. There was a wise person asked,
"Kenapa awak boleh ingat semua tu? Otak awak ni macam ada memory card 8GB," which I thought, "Only 8GB?" but as usual, those kinda remarks were only heard by my ears, or perhaps, my heart.

Actually, I lived my days as a kid with a lot of hope.
Sometimes, I really hope that I was the only child in the family, so that the attention perfectly belong to me. Sometimes I hope that I was the only girl in the family, maintaining the original number of the current, so that, I might look cool in my girlfriends eyes that is to be protected by so many guys and I must have been the one that is loved the most. Sometimes I hope, I am the eldest one, too, maintaining the numbers, so that, my voice is so veto, and whatever about me, is a complete priority, with all seven(7) little brothers and little sisters 'all-hail'-ing to me.

But hopes remain a hope.
Nothing can ever change the fact that I am the fifth out of eight. The third girl, with four elders; girl, boy, girl, boy, a perfect alternation between two genders, with another three humans were born after me, forming a new pattern; girl, girl, boy, boy. Before the 'released' of the youngest, I always tell all my girlfriends(very-little-close-to-not-more-than-three friends among boys because of the close-to-paranoia features of me),

"Kita ada dua kakak, dua abang, dengan dua adik,"I said it proudly as if I have won a Noble-prize for discovering HIV cure. But when suddenly, during the year where I got to sit for UPSR exam, after the exam, we were given a gift, the unexpected one, a baby brother. And, sadly, my 'script' whenever some friends asked me about my siblings structure, I just suddenly hope that I have another little sister, so that it would sounds like,

"Kita ada dua kakak, dua abang, dua adik perempuan dengan dua adik laki. Cool kan?" seriously, that 'cool kan' is like the most awesome part to be said from the 'script'. But again, a fact is a fact. Grateful enough, though, but, like I said, it's a HOPE that I'm typing here.

I'm practically the most middle one. Everyone has their title, the eldest as the most powerful as just by using her mouth and voice and order, but me and her seldom got along, and I always irritated her with irritating words. The second big brother, the Autistic one. The third sister, always innocent, listened well to every orders of the higher 'authority', did all the house chores with me just looking at every of her moves without giving a hand, literally just look at her, plus, she never ordered me, though, so, basically, she got all the loves from her little siblings. The fourth brother, hell clever, hell smart academically. When it came to my turn, I was rather like, no obvious specialization, but seriously though, I think this is nothing personal as I think, many others are encountering the same situation as I did, so, really, mine were always the opposite of my elders, and I was cool with that, and this is what I mean with, 'I actually lived my life.' Because, those titles helped me to have some desires, in a way that people known as, ambition. At those times of possessing in a little-sized body of a girl, I really cannot wait to be a grown-up one. Really. I always acknowledged that, those times of being physically hurt by some actions from my big bro perhaps(well it was hide and seek stuff, and of course, a touch on anyone's body(seriously, even an accidentally one, which means no hurt, or even a slight intention to) means, a revenge must take place, and there goes  panting of fear of being chased and the eagerness of spirit to chase throughout every inches of the house which leads to destruction of every door knob in the house, especially the girl's room, where, it was completely destroyed at the end. Imagine, whenever we wanted to go out or into the room, we had to go through the boy's room, and later to the toilet before we, the girls could finally got into our bed.

There is a most-memorable story caused by the knob failure. There were my third sister, my little sister and me.  Ok, wonder where to start. So, the knob was vanished, leaving the door 'dysfunction', and a hole. A hole. So, our only channel to the outside world is either that through that hole as to call anyone, or that toilet that attached together our sibling's rooms. So one day, I mean, one very night, I still remember, our parents made baked potatoes for dinner, where the potatoes were wrapped in aluminium foil and dipped with butter. I barely forget any 'beautiful' taste, tasted by the taste buds on my tongue. And I still remember, there was like a sports match programme aired, and we were all watching while having our dinner. And then, the involved sisters I mentioned, and I went to our room, to sleep, I think. We had a single bed for the second sister, and a double-decker bed; queen-sized at the lower, and a single-bed-sized that 'possessed' by me. So, obviously, the queen-sized one was belonged to the eldest sister and the little sister.
So, as I reached and settled down on my bed, which I never let anyone to simply lie down at, just because I hate anyone to ruin my perfectly stretched bed sheet(see, I maybe called lazy, but for my stuff, I watched after my belongings to an extent I could even disregard the blood-relation, and here I am back again, and yeah, people called it self-fish) while reading some readable materials at the same time, with my foots placed against the wall, and my head and hairs freely-almost-hanging near the edge of the bed, and both of my sisters who did something as usual before they went to dreamland, suddenly.....

The toilets's door was swinging back and forth, back and forth.






There was no trace of shadow for us to believe that there's a human power behind that incident. We, the three of us, as if no blood circulated in our body systems, were afraid like hell. I still remember of took the crafted of ayatul-Qursi(or ayatul Dinar? Ok, this part I forgot) on wood, as big as the current I-Pad sized, given by our big cousin as she was once studied abroad, somewhere in Arabic part(OK, I seriously forget, and I can't believe I forget it right now, dang, will update later when I remember, dang me!) that was hanged on our room's wall. I was like, "Nah ayat Qursi ni!!" and handed it over to the eldest sister, and we three, got together, very close, and yeah, we thought of ghosts. We screamed through the small hole, where even my fist couldn't fit into it, calling,

"Tolong! Tolong!" but as I already knew, too, no one would hear us. Why? Well, I don't know, because there was no response at all. So, we believed that everyone was at the downstairs, fascinated by that badminton(I think) match.

The door still swinging.

"Ya Allah..Ya Allah.."

With my little sister and me who were just relied on our second sister courage to 'go through' that spooky moment, we held tight on each other. Still, the door kept swinging. No mercy. It was very mind-blowing, as there was nothing we could convince that, it's human! No shadow! No nothing!

"Eeeeoook...eeouuuuk....eeeeoook....eeouuuk," the sounds made by the seemed-to-be-independently swinging door.

"Bismiillahirahmanirrahim..." I think we did finished up our al-Fatihah recitation, since I only memorized ayatul-Qursi when I was fourteen. That time, I was still ten.




"Kikikikikikikikikikikiki,"

And the door suddenly opened wide.


"KAK YONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



Relieved.



It was a 'ghost' named after our eldest sister. Yes, I do not lie. 'She' is a ghost.





"Jahat Kak Yong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" we all as mad as we still respect her as the eldest. Yup, she trained us to become one. The power of an eldest, I guess.

"Kikikikikikikiki," she continued her yes-I-did-it laugh, and we were like,

"Apasal tak nampak bayang-bayang!!?" I questioned that repeatedly.

"Kikikiki, lenguh tangan Kak Yong, ingat korang tipu takut," she questioned us back implying that she thought we were just pretending that we were scared, while happily laughed and yeah, she really succeeded perfectly,

DANG! Hahaha




And that was my first time of experiencing spooky situation. I tell you, it was scary as ****. Plus, with the history of the house, you just have no idea, how seriously we were at that time. And pity to my fourth bro, he was like,
"Kenapa? Kenapa?" like a kepochi(something like busy-body) with some curiousness about what had happened. And I still remember of looking at him, and had this thought in my mind, "Sorry A(his short-form nickname, where is shorter than his real name, and this one, is the shortest, err..you know what I mean? Nevermind), Chae(his real nickname, this was what I mean), terlambat."
Because, I predicted that, if he was along during those horror moments, after all, these guys in the family aa, very the like to enter the girls room(sorry, trash language usage), he would be the first one to pass out. That was him a year before entered army-based boarding school located in Kuala Lumpur .




*p/s: Anyway, I want to start 'fill' up this blog, with these kinda writing starting from now. Not 'will try', but 'a must'. So, more memorable stuff will coming, and wished me all the best, people.