peluang kedua sudah di depan mata, namun..

I got the second chance, but I couldn't do it.
WHY?

I did regret at first that I ignore the offer, I mean, even I knew that I won't be together learnin' stuff with 'em anymore,
I should have re-consider that I could see 'em again in the faculty.

Sounds like, I do stuff without usin' brain.
Remember, I did feel bad toward my own action.
But, have you all ever heard this,
"Gerak hati" ?

When I saw the offer letter on-line,
I didn't know how to react.
Happy?
Extremely happy?

'Cos, apart from I finally can continue what I'd planned in my life,
I would make my Abah happy again, cos, I know how much he wants me to study, again.

The thing is that,
during the applyin' stage, I was told that, I will NEVER EVER EVRE ERVE get to be accepted by the institution anymore. How did I know? I called 'em by phone just to know my percentage of getting' accepted.
As I heard 'em, all I see was, the world around me is crashin' down. Everythin' around me was so dark.
Voices in me says,
"I will never have the chance to wear the yellow-striped hood, then?"
My body felt so heavy, as heavy as Giant carrying Nobita.

Everytime I went to work, I saw Menara from far, I would passed the buses...
I cried, alone, in the inside.
What do I have to live for, then?
Abah gonna be disappointed with me forever.
I will lose respect from everyone.
And that time, I was too proud to work in.....somewhere.......which I am not, eventually.

Abah always ask me, whenever he has the chance, but I always try my best to avoid him.
Weird, but that's what happen.
It was my own fault.
My decision.
I thought I can do well.
I can, but at that time, I feel so zero.
I started to listen to some songs, fulfillin' my rebel desire.
I blamed myself that sometime affected others.
I just didn't remember how to smile.
I feel so hollow-ish.
(the fact that I own a face feature that askin'-for-a-punch, especially when I am not smile or smirk.)







I took serious at every single line of the song's lyrics.
I thought they were singing for me.
And my ultimate favorite is from Evanescene.
(trust me, I can reach the notes, ehekz)







My dream to realize the pix, just shattered like dusts in my house.

Before all these happen,
As time passes by..
I did already start to face the fact that, I won't study there anymore.
So, I usha all the other institutions exist in Malaysia that offer my field.
I kept tellin' myself to stay cool.

Nevertheless, I still applied for it, for the sake of 'sedapkan hati', even the woman had said,
"Oh kami tak terima pelajar yang turned down the offer anymore."
(k, fine, I can't really remember the whole things she said, but basically it's like that la...)

Then, suddenly I got it.
I was so confused.
Why did they lie to me?
I could never erase the harsh of that woman's voice from my brain, and....heart.

Why?
I wasn't prepare for it.
I believed what I was told.

I clicked "Accepted".
But...
I am still here today.

Fact accepted, no one can replaced 23 hearts, at least in my heart ever.

23 Hearts



To give a thought 'bout all these again, everything are just a repetition.
When I decided to take the SUDDEN semester break at first, I thought, it won' be a big deal to be some other peeps classmates,
So, when the new semester arrived, after that first-time 4 months break,
I woke up that morning, I did ironed my Green long stripes Baju Kurung,
But, my feet were like glued to the floor.
Suddenly,
I knew that,
I knew that, I can only have you 23 Hearts as my mates.

Probably, when you guys have finish, THEN only I do something for my academic-life.

Perhaps, for now,
Maybe, I see some lights on sumthin'else~
Ehekz.

Hahaha, rejeki namenye.... Korang, doakan kite dapat balik masuk UiTM yea 23 Hearts~
At least kite tak nampak korg, even kite akan ade classmates baru...


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