n~5ive

"Engkau pakai matrik card kenape!!??" asked Puan Ez to me, while jogging as one of the PT(Physical Training) on a one of the earliest Friday for me, as part of them. And it's pretty awkward for me, when somebody else use "Aku" "Engkau" as the Kata Ganti Nama, during the early-meeting with them, just a plain weird, that's all. "Hahahahaha," she continued, alongside with some others of my intermediate, but I can't ever forget the voice of hers, while my mind was brought back to this another voice, that I heard earlier, "Kitak orang kena pakey matrik kad, di siney juak kitak orang berada(weird right? Never mind, I am not a native)," said Akak PM(can't recall what's that stand for, though), during the orientation called Minggu Mesra Siswa(MMS) 2007 of UiTM Sarawak. So, I was like, "......." empty minded. And that's basically how, I dealt and managed to survive until everything is over. I learnt so...

Assalamualaikum. Saya masih ingat lagi, ketika saya kecil, bilamana dunia saya hanya merangkumi rumah saya dan sekolah sahaja. Saya merupakan seorang yang sangat 'bermain selamat'(playsafe), kerana saya mahu menjaga hati saya sendiri. Tapi, bukanlah bermaksud, sampai saya tidak pedulikan hati orang lain, mahupun haiwan-haiwan serta tumbuh-tumbuhan. Dengan kata lain, apa sahaja yang saya akan buat, pasti saya tidak akan buat, jikalau ia melibatkan soal hati. Mengapa? Dari kecil juga, saya selalu membaca majalah-majalah, dan juga sebahagian daripada seksyen dalam surat khabar, di mana, terdapat penulisan-penulisan yang berbentuk luahan hati dan seumpamanya. Dan apa yang saya faham, kebanyakan luahan-luahan, atau masalah-masalah yang diutarakan, hampir kesemuanya beraintan dengan masalah hati. Masalah hati yang saya maksudkan di sini juga, bukanlah masalah berkaitan dengan kesihatan seseorang, yang memerlukan kepakaran doktor medikal untuk menyihatkannya. Tetapi, masalah ha...

Momil led ta'lim just now. I couldn't recall, when did the last time, #leGHANI 's had it, but for sure, it was a long long time ago. Only Iwe wasn't present, since he's in Sabak Bernam, Selangor, pursuing his diploma in Politeknik Sultan Idris, right now. Typing about ta'lim. From my understanding and memory, it means 'teaching'. So, Momil was teaching the rest of us, the eldest? WOW~! Lawan tokey nampak~ huhuhu.. Nah...in Islam, there is no such things as,  "  Makan garam dulu, maka aku dapat darah tinggi dulu. ", rather, " Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan. "  Age is just a number, and an experience doesn't wait for a person to reach to a certain number of age, for it to 'come'. A five-years-old Minachi may have became an expert on swimming, while I only have learnt to be one, not so long time ago, and I am a twenty-four(24) years old lady currently. So, it's kinda cool t...

Opah.... Everytime Noni listens to this song, Noni still like before Pah.. And everytime after those teary moments, Noni's chest will experience this ache... But, You don't have to worry a single thing Pah, Cos Noni never forget even for a single second, To recite prayers specially for you, o~Opah, And Noni hopes,  That one day, Somebody else will do the same to Noni, One day, When Noni time has come. Opah, Until today,  After almost six(6) months, Since the day you went away, Never even once, Noni got the chance to see you in dream, Whereas, This morning,  Mama said that, You came to hers. Noni is so jelly, o~Opah. Pah.. Dua tiga hari ni... Noni rase... Sayu je......... Sunyi... Sedih... Bila Noni ingat balik, Betapa Noni tak banyak luangkan masa dengan Opah, Yang Noni ingat,  Tiap kali jumpa, Mesti Noni bagitahu Opah pasal cita-cita Noni, Pastu mintak Opah doakan... Itu je..... Tapi Noni tahu...

As I look at my own reflection in the mirror, I feel like, all my efforts and determinations since child, have vanished. It's not about attitude or anything that require one to use their heart or 'mata-hati or out-of-box-thingy or what-so-ever-hati-kotor-stuff. It's about my own current physical, the outside, the outer appearance, the one that can be seen with naked eyes, these are what I mean. I can still remember clearly, on how much fussy I was, when it comes to my facial skin care. Eye-bags, dark circles under eyes, black-heads, white-heads, acne, hairs, tinea versicolor(panau), melasma(jeragat), wrinkles and even my mouth had always been an issue for me. You know, stuff like bad-breath, not-so-white teeth and dried-lip. Eye bags. I just hate it, it makes me look like a ghost. Like.... a ghost.. And I don't want to be a ghost. Who say's so? Well, I myself said so, I am not a type of who only change if some other creature other than myself, started to mentio...

Seriously... I recently re-read many of my past Facebook posts, and yeah, I think that, most peeps that I first thought to be annoying, especially those who sent messages to me via Facebook Private Message telling me this and that(advises and sarcastic remarks), really have the right to....err... you know...ermm......really have the...ermm.........ok, frankly typing, I myself got annoyed, and still do. Bagaikan, "dah la muke burok, ayat pon burok, memang DOUBLE burok!" hmmm.. =.= Why o~Noni, why? =.=" One thing in mind now, *Just the title of the song, and Love Aqua lotsss ~ I'm a Barbie Gal~ *For many times, and there'll be more in the future, I am SO VERY THE MUCH FREAKING sorry.  How can I be such a selfish *****, and might have spoiled some other-creature's moods and all during those days. But, looking at those full with negativity-vibes-kinda-posts, I don't know if I will do ...

Sukailah saya, Kasihilah saya, Berbuat baiklah kepada saya, Kerana, dan ALLAH s.w.t akan membalas yang lebih baik, kepada anda yang melakukan setiap kebaikan. Saya? Saya akan terus menjadi diri saya, dengan izin-NYA. *Bonus: 2014 New Year Celebration in Serikin, Sarawak. -wif Catherine~