Something that has turned me off


The last thing I would like to do is to decide. Even for the smallest thing. But, as I grew older, there's no way I could maintain to do so. But, I guess, the moment that I had to decide, was basically right on time.

I'm the most middle child out of 8. I tend to agree on everything. I almost didn't see the need of me making any decisions, because I trusted on others. Wasn't that, simple? I just disliked to.....think so much. I was, really a simple minded one. Well, that is something positive to say, by owning such attitude.

What others don't really know, something about intention here. I could say, it's the major factor. The reason of why I like to let people decide for me, was because I could blame on them, if, things went wrong. I hate responsibilities. That's why.

But, that was all in the past.

As I mentioned above, the time was just right when I fibally had to make my own decisions. Everything were just right; the age, the event, the situations.

And this month? Ouh, I thought that my 25th birthday surprise was like, yesterday, but suddenly, almost in a blink of an eye, I'll 27 within 10 days. Ouh, currently it's 0459 hours. I was born at 0409 hours, according to my birth certificate.

*taking in a deep breath.

I'm good. Praise be to HIM. Everything is good. Especially in that making decisions part. It develops well. But even the best part, I can still adjust myself to be a follower. It's like, I can shift myself according to situations, easily. It all depends on what I have decided. I know, what is the best for myself.

But, is it good for others? Especially the one I once relied too much? Well, all I see is, they have to, 'get up' from living in the past, faster. Because, time makes almost everything, change. I have to admit, there were(are) conflicts. Ouh wait, I didn't ever plan to become one, though. Wasn't it, it's their decision at the first place, and, kinda used force on me, to do that very first decision? *smirk
See, it's not my fault. Hehe.

Nah.. I am rather...grateful.

But again, is it good for others? You see, it's annoying too, sometimes. It's like, 'I know', but, it seems like, only I know. Well, it's like this, this time around, I still indirectly asking for people's opinions, but, no longer in blindly manner. If I see any, weirds in theirs, I will speak up. Ahaaaa.

The end.










Comments

Post a Comment

Think thrice

Popular posts from this blog

Songs that make me cry, at least once.

Image
"Akak pernah tak, dengar lagu, pastu, nangis?" asked a colleague. -Flashing back to some memories- "Ade." "So, saye tak gila lahkan." ----------------------------------------------------------- Well, of course I have. But most of them, are no longer cry-able. Why? Most probably because, I have move on. *laugh ----------------------------------------------------------- But I remember one song, I cried as I listen to it, and I was 12 at that very moment. It was Viva Forever by Spice Girls. Well, of course there was a moment. A moment where, I was no longer a part of Bangsar Baru community. I love the place, to be honest. Family matters, that's it. The place that I lived was, somewhat, I don't know. The thing is, I'm just an emotional biacth. Haha. But I do remember, the feel when I understood that, I will no longer waking up with the same vision. The thing that I used to see, to feel. That was sad, right? To be honest,...
Read more

The bridge we had built, it's heartbreaking to see it falls down, gradually.

Image
The problem with myself is, when I do something, I would do it with all my heart. But to reach that 'with all my heart', of course, analysis had been made. So when 'that' comes, nothing can stop me. Sleepless night, prayers, anything. My body condition is as if it is just waiting for the right time to explode. I had a little clue on why this happen. Clueless... But suddenly, I found the answer. Nothing is everlasting, as long as it is called a worldly journey. Relationships, especially. Being an adult means....... What is being an adult means, anyway? When I was little, I did really hate the adults. I never spoke to any of them, even with my own parents. Actually, as far as I remember, I had a speech problem. I had little vocabulary stored in my brain. Very little. I afraid about the lack of that, will turn me into some kind of a clown, or something. Something humiliating. But, as I myself have become an adult, with more life experiences, I am OK la. I d...
Read more

post-trauma - PABILA TIADA TAPISAN DALAM PERBICARAAN MEREKA

Not many of them, yet, these small quantities really change my perspective on how I cannot judge peeps from their outer appearance. After all, everyone does have their emotionally-excess side and is imperfect. But..... Do they really have to be one? If one has been followed me since the very first entry without failed, one should understand that how much a 'silent' kinda creature I was. Basically, not that silent, but I never talk rubbish. It's true that, I was originally a person that always mind my words. I never irritate peeps with no reasons. Not trying to prove anything here, but, don't you think, I am actually the most normal person on earth? Hmm... I just react according to the situation. The worst is always being avoided, that's all. I don't simply mess around with others. So.....what I'm trying to say here is, WHY THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CANNOT HIDE THIR TRUE NEGATIVE FEELING TOWARD A PARTICULAR PERSON? IT DOESN'T MATTER...
Read more