Saye rase biru

At this very moment, I should have supposed to be busy-ing up my mind with what will I go through on early September. But here, with my finally-come-back-to-mommy Inspiron, while hearing to 4 I the Morning, Forgive Me, So Soon and Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely on the YouTube playlist, with the most laziest lazy pant on earth pairing with decent cotton white t-shirt, thinking, of nothing.

...........

I don't know.....

I have so many bad news and good news coming in one time.

Even the feeling can't identified its own condition.

The future is finally show some light; this is a good news, the current is still under expectation; this is too a good news, my Love, Min-Jeong the cat found her new guardian; this is a bad news, my second gateway to outside Malaysia have to be cancelled for some safety reasons; bad as in I've spent too much time planning the 'storyline'(including the video I'm gonna upload as if I'll be jumping to go there again and upload it in my specially made for my personal travel logs, Instagram), that it can't be realized according to my time frame but good as I'll might avoid from hurting my self.

About the 'shiny' future, enough to say, I am back to the most 'rightous' track, AGAIN. When I'm closed to you, you'll know it personally from me. But, this also means, I will have more little time even for my self. But what makes me feel a little sad, is that, this future is supposed to be started a day after my outside-Malaysia 'adventure'. The decision was made yesterday's morning, but the blues was only stopped after afternoon, whereas the whole morning was so dull, some said my face was full with confusion. It felt as if I lost my love, heartbroken. I said it, because I know the feeling, it's similar. But then, I asked God, to give me strength so I can go through all these with the biggest heart. And I tell you, HE granted my wish. (Thank you, Allah.)

And coming back home last night, I saw Min-Jeong as usual, but this morning, she no longer here. Honestly, I couldn't stop the tears, no more. I felt so heavy. Then, the travel buddy texts me, out of sudden, directed me about the reason we all live, again, So the tears naturally stop.

...

There's a heavy burden on the shoulders, well that's how I feel right now. And all these stuff is only turning me into nothing but a harder human living.

May I am blessed with patience and......just live normally.

*still listening to the playlist





Comments

Post a Comment

Think thrice

Popular posts from this blog

Songs that make me cry, at least once.

Image
"Akak pernah tak, dengar lagu, pastu, nangis?" asked a colleague. -Flashing back to some memories- "Ade." "So, saye tak gila lahkan." ----------------------------------------------------------- Well, of course I have. But most of them, are no longer cry-able. Why? Most probably because, I have move on. *laugh ----------------------------------------------------------- But I remember one song, I cried as I listen to it, and I was 12 at that very moment. It was Viva Forever by Spice Girls. Well, of course there was a moment. A moment where, I was no longer a part of Bangsar Baru community. I love the place, to be honest. Family matters, that's it. The place that I lived was, somewhat, I don't know. The thing is, I'm just an emotional biacth. Haha. But I do remember, the feel when I understood that, I will no longer waking up with the same vision. The thing that I used to see, to feel. That was sad, right? To be honest,...
Read more

The bridge we had built, it's heartbreaking to see it falls down, gradually.

Image
The problem with myself is, when I do something, I would do it with all my heart. But to reach that 'with all my heart', of course, analysis had been made. So when 'that' comes, nothing can stop me. Sleepless night, prayers, anything. My body condition is as if it is just waiting for the right time to explode. I had a little clue on why this happen. Clueless... But suddenly, I found the answer. Nothing is everlasting, as long as it is called a worldly journey. Relationships, especially. Being an adult means....... What is being an adult means, anyway? When I was little, I did really hate the adults. I never spoke to any of them, even with my own parents. Actually, as far as I remember, I had a speech problem. I had little vocabulary stored in my brain. Very little. I afraid about the lack of that, will turn me into some kind of a clown, or something. Something humiliating. But, as I myself have become an adult, with more life experiences, I am OK la. I d...
Read more

post-trauma - PABILA TIADA TAPISAN DALAM PERBICARAAN MEREKA

Not many of them, yet, these small quantities really change my perspective on how I cannot judge peeps from their outer appearance. After all, everyone does have their emotionally-excess side and is imperfect. But..... Do they really have to be one? If one has been followed me since the very first entry without failed, one should understand that how much a 'silent' kinda creature I was. Basically, not that silent, but I never talk rubbish. It's true that, I was originally a person that always mind my words. I never irritate peeps with no reasons. Not trying to prove anything here, but, don't you think, I am actually the most normal person on earth? Hmm... I just react according to the situation. The worst is always being avoided, that's all. I don't simply mess around with others. So.....what I'm trying to say here is, WHY THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CANNOT HIDE THIR TRUE NEGATIVE FEELING TOWARD A PARTICULAR PERSON? IT DOESN'T MATTER...
Read more