n~5ive

In a way that, no one is hurt durin' the whole process. "Ma, lantak la ape orang nak cakap, kan?" "Ye Noni, lantak la ape orang nak cakap." And so, I finally got out from my shell, again. With a deepbreath, a very deep one, as deep as Jurang Mariana(what is jurang in english aa.......ahakz), I met my opah(Allahyarhamah Rahmah binti Tahir), mak Cu, Pak Uda, Mak Long, Umie Naz, Anis, Iylia(according to the susunan nama. *guess my english is gettin' rustier..LOL LOL) and the rests, on the later days. "Noni!" said opah. And I was like, "Opah~~" nassally. Mak Cu who was there next to opah's katil since earlier, didn't realize my existence as she was only suprised after some seconds. Then Pak Uda, who came by KTM ETS later, "Pekabor? Lame tak nampak? Sihat?" (so like pak uda) Next was Mak Long, at the hospital parking site. Later at Mak Long's house, Umie Naz while sidai the kain, " Pekabor, lame tak ...

I got the second chance, but I couldn't do it. WHY? I did regret at first that I ignore the offer, I mean, even I knew that I won't be together learnin' stuff with 'em anymore, I should have re-consider that I could see 'em again in the faculty. Sounds like, I do stuff without usin' brain. Remember, I did feel bad toward my own action. But, have you all ever heard this, "Gerak hati" ? When I saw the offer letter on-line, I didn't know how to react. Happy? Extremely happy? 'Cos, apart from I finally can continue what I'd planned in my life, I would make my Abah happy again, cos, I know how much he wants me to study, again. The thing is that, during the applyin' stage, I was told that, I will NEVER EVER EVRE ERVE get to be accepted by the institution anymore. How did I know? I called 'em by phone just to know my percentage of getting' accepted. As I heard 'em, all I see was, the world around me is crashin...

Age factor perhaps? Sounds so ~whatever~ But what if it's true? 'Cos it seems pretty obvious when I compare my body of four to seven years ago to now. If last time, after a long long day, I still needed to force my eyes to be shutted off, and heart(style sik?hak hak) to play jazz beat, goling-goling like tenggiling, then, tau-tau dah subuh sepi'e. Done. But these days, I lie down, or perhaps, I just stand somewhere statically, let say, at 2300 hrs, celik-celik, tau-tau da 1100 hrs.(Obviously I am exaggeratin', k) Is that even fair?? (The beginning of Lestary slot-drama named, Aku dan Tidurku starred by Min-Jeong and Jamil) Early morning, She wakes up, Knock knock knock on the door.(sopan kan..nok nok bunyinye) ...... Familiar? I like Christina Aguilera more than Britney. But still, I grew up with their songs. ahakz What really concerns me is that, the way I sleep, was like I'd done some bad*ss stuff durin' the day like menukang my ne...

Slept at 0200 hrs, after struggling like...eeerr...no words comin' to mind, but  after some hard-time to enter the world of DISNEY(obviously a dream, duh) I woke up again, like.....now. *scratchin' head. Typin' some bunches of my mind. kui kui. Wonder if I am sick or what, cos the organ that do the beats, practically inside the chest, just not havin' its usual beats. Instead of New Boyz(ahakz) song, it's K-POP now. aiyoo.. Anxious.. Is it because of the fact that, I managed to activate back my social network stuff?  Scaredy?  Don't think so. Do I still fit to that 'world'? Reminisce all the past posts, they really hauntin' me like, a horror movie.......err.......just couldn't find any other nice example. Eheh. But, I still remember, those times when I scrolled down at the very beginning of the posts, I can be sure, that I wasn't that bad, though. Ahakz. Of course, the earliest posts were never the serious one.  O...

Literally. I realized bout this stuff since about 7 to 8 months ago. It might seem a lil' too specific but, that's just how it is. To think again, everything(almost) was started when I successfully reached my ideal weight target. Losing 7 k's in 10 days through workin' out and a lil' of extreme diet. My confidence level was boosted like, like I almost felt that I could do anything....ANYTHING. I could...do bla bla... bla bla......bla bla....and bla bla....and....I even wished to be.............a prime minister? (D*MN) But the truth was, I was actually tryin' to prove to SOME other peeps, that I ain't a loser as SOME of them claimed. I tried this, I tried that, until one moment, SOME of 'em even called me...a......ermmm....... not so necessary to mention, as rite now, I am slowly movin' on. Forget those "SOME peeps" already. As far as I remember, throughout my whole life, I managed to get slimmed about 2 times. And again, as far...