n~5ive

 "Ice, how am I so dark? You know what I mean." "You need to be saved, Rock." "Save me." "Ok." And they lived happily ever after.

I am a state where, every aspect of my lives are in mess. Right now, I am questioning my sanity. Was the too long leave from work, just made me become out of touch from the reality? I'm feeling like I am so stupid. Nothing is going well now. And when I say in every aspects, I mean it literally. I feel pitiful towards my partner, my off-springs.  Oh dear self, what have you become? I feel literally lonely, in this journey call adulthood.  And to be specific, it's about my working life. I think, I just forgot how to mingle with people anymore. But this feeling, is not actually new. I felt very familiar. And what I manage to find is that, I cannot do things alone. I am just incapable. I must have a company to do anything, everything. And, **sigh... Since it's the third, no forth times now, how can I not realize this. Ya Allah.. Please help me, as my mind keeps replaying how I wish I didn't do this. Ya Allah, only to you I am relying. Please find a kind friend for me.

Dear Self, It's weird right. Having almost everything that you have been wanted for so long, yet, here you are again, grunting almost every single minute. I mean, what is wrong with now? Is this sad? Or mad? Or simply a depress? What do I keep thinking about "I should've done this, I should've done that" very often.  Happiness.. where are you? Where is that enthusiast me? Because, it seems like, I don't even want to get up from my bed, and living the day.  I think, if anyone would give a comment about my life right now, they would say, it's already perfect. Normal.  Here I am, sighing again. I want to be happy. I think, I remember, back then, travelling made me feel happy. And, making people around me felling comfy, made me feel happy. Unfortunately, some people just screwed it. I tried to be as nice as possible, not wanting to re-do the things I did when I was about to enter adulthood.  I thought I did it this time, but it turned out to be, not that.  I...

kiojdfkl,mcl,mLCMFinjfojwvd ,lmglmgl2mlwm cfe;,f;lmF That's what basically on my mind. 

 I'm actually supposed to start typing that final assessment, Jurisprudence II... hmm... Ok, perhaps I should do it like this, saying stuff that I know. So the questions are:  OK let me extract it from the whatsapp group....by now, it's only 2338hours....husband asked me to turn on the air-conditioner. And I have my earphone plugged in.. Perhaps,I should write things here, instead of straighforward-ly type on Words. Oh, husband made(forced) me Neslo, and I already drank 3/4 of it. Kinda being a jerk towards him today, lucky me, I do this at the right time. He can be a lion sometimes, but that time,I would become a Godzilla. Get me? Right now, the clock shows 2346hours...and here I am, easily distracted. My son just farted, at the volume of....well, I'm practically using these completely air-, eh, his leh is in the air.. haha..he's in his cot. So sooo, where were we? the question. Ok... I think I wanna listen to some old time favourite music on YouTube. Eh..I think my so...

The intention was to do my Admin Law's assignment. But, as usual, the mind got distracted over many things.  The title though, well, no one is really 'gone', but, this Covid thing, is really changing our whole life, in a very new dimension, isn't it? To me, our 'freedom' is really being taken away.  My Mak Cu and Pak Cu(Perak's fam), are now recovering from the virus. Mak Cu was on the stage 3, while Pak Cu, was on 4. Both of them were treated separately, Mak Cu was in MAEPS, while Pak Cu was in HTAR. It's not too much to say that Pak Cu's condition were so bad, but Alhamdulillah, both were discharged, and Alhamdulillah, can go back home, to their beloved children.  .... But today, we all received a news..... a sad one. Mak Uda@Aunty Dolly... she's unwell and as per just now, unconscious.  We all, the Perak's family, did Yaasin recitation via Zoom. In the hope that, Allah will grant her conscious and better health again. The vaccine's res...