"Akak pernah tak, dengar lagu, pastu, nangis?" asked a colleague. -Flashing back to some memories- "Ade." "So, saye tak gila lahkan." ----------------------------------------------------------- Well, of course I have. But most of them, are no longer cry-able. Why? Most probably because, I have move on. *laugh ----------------------------------------------------------- But I remember one song, I cried as I listen to it, and I was 12 at that very moment. It was Viva Forever by Spice Girls. Well, of course there was a moment. A moment where, I was no longer a part of Bangsar Baru community. I love the place, to be honest. Family matters, that's it. The place that I lived was, somewhat, I don't know. The thing is, I'm just an emotional biacth. Haha. But I do remember, the feel when I understood that, I will no longer waking up with the same vision. The thing that I used to see, to feel. That was sad, right? To be honest,
I am a state where, every aspect of my lives are in mess. Right now, I am questioning my sanity. Was the too long leave from work, just made me become out of touch from the reality? I'm feeling like I am so stupid. Nothing is going well now. And when I say in every aspects, I mean it literally. I feel pitiful towards my partner, my off-springs. Oh dear self, what have you become? I feel literally lonely, in this journey call adulthood. And to be specific, it's about my working life. I think, I just forgot how to mingle with people anymore. But this feeling, is not actually new. I felt very familiar. And what I manage to find is that, I cannot do things alone. I am just incapable. I must have a company to do anything, everything. And, **sigh... Since it's the third, no forth times now, how can I not realize this. Ya Allah.. Please help me, as my mind keeps replaying how I wish I didn't do this. Ya Allah, only to you I am relying. Please find a kind friend for me.
Dear Self, It's weird right. Having almost everything that you have been wanted for so long, yet, here you are again, grunting almost every single minute. I mean, what is wrong with now? Is this sad? Or mad? Or simply a depress? What do I keep thinking about "I should've done this, I should've done that" very often. Happiness.. where are you? Where is that enthusiast me? Because, it seems like, I don't even want to get up from my bed, and living the day. I think, if anyone would give a comment about my life right now, they would say, it's already perfect. Normal. Here I am, sighing again. I want to be happy. I think, I remember, back then, travelling made me feel happy. And, making people around me felling comfy, made me feel happy. Unfortunately, some people just screwed it. I tried to be as nice as possible, not wanting to re-do the things I did when I was about to enter adulthood. I thought I did it this time, but it turned out to be, not that. I
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Think thrice