Lonely ride



It's been 20 days, since I first stepped on that ground again. The ground where I thought won't ever accept my present again.



"Is it possible for me to come back?"

"Nope, since you just went away without any notice, so, nope. 
We will never accept you anymore," bluntly. 
A lady of my own race. 
Phone call.





Tears. Heartbroken. Disbelief. Shattered.


Until at one moment, I decided to move on. The second event after letting go of my ashkar life. I accepted the fact that I won't have the chance to be part of it, anymore. Maybe some other ground could accept me, hence, letting me to finish up the unfinished business.

Time passes by. Doesn't care a bit about ones concern. I filled all the void by realizing some of the minor dreams. The arrangements were made that I won't be available for any long term activities for at least in 2 years ahead. Fully booked. Physically and mentally.

But on one fine day, somewhere on August 2015, I received an SMS. Telling me to come back.

Blurred.

"What the h*ll?"

There was a link in the SMS content. I clicked, and there it was. An offer letter.




I felt dizzy.


Because, I can't accept it, during that particular moment.I had plenty of stuff to do. And why are they doing this to me? When I was told that, there's no way I could be accepted again, by that human!!?

I have 1 and a half year, before I am available again. What should I do?









Postponed. And this time, I have to make sure, no mistake is ever allowed to interfere.











The real plan was to not make it until September 2017, but on 20th February 2017, I finally accepted the offer.








To be honest, until this moment of writing this, I still have the littlest clue, on the decision. Will this be the right move? At this time?






And to be honest, again, I'm scared. The past hasn't really made out off from my mind. The trauma is still here. I have no choice but to success.




I don't know...
Loneliness is best to describe the feeling.


All the best to n~5ive.



0027
16.04.2017









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