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n~5ive

The pessimist, emotional, grief and negative side of a tryin'-very-hard-in-life girl.

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July 17, 2016

Or perhaps, it's you that should be considered as dead. Rather than to think about le own death.

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Sumpahan April

April 29, 2018

LOL I thought it's an Indonesian material. Well, the lyric's content doesn't really reflect what I have on my mind now, but, lemme just borrow the song's title. So, yup, April. Effective 2014, until this 2018, my every Aprils had been.. I don't really know how to put it into words, but, there are some kind of occurrences that will stick to my memory for a very long time. Like on 2014, I found my I've-always-prayed-to-have-this-kind-of-job job which I manage to sustain up till this very moment. Something that I never have even the slightest clue, that I can do. I once thought, the freedom-seeker me always will put me into troubles during my adult moments. I praised be to HIM for this part. None of these are achievable if it's not something from HIM. Then on 2015, I got in touch again with my best-est man. Not much I want to say about this part. But as for now, I don't see anyone that is more capable than him, in the matter of handling m...

rase kehilangan

August 03, 2013

I miss you so much Opah. I love you so much Opah. Cos you gave me the most wonderful Mama ever. Cos you gave me the best aunties and uncles that no one could have ever imagine. When Noni was four(4) years old, you said, that we are lookalike. Noni felt so proud on my own, at that time, Pah. And durin' that age, Noni also thought, that you would live forever, o~ Opah. Whenever I told you about what I wanted to do in my life, you always say, "Ye, Opah doakan." But now, that you are no longer here, physically, I hope, all my doa, will deliver to you nicely. I hope you rest in peace Opah. Noni misses you so d*mn much. Noni wasn't a good cucu of yours Opah, Noni knows, So, what did Noni do was, Noni put a nice 'make-up' for you before you were sent to see HIM with that special bedak sejuk given by one mak cik. It was rose-scented one, Pah. And Noni, wrote " بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم" on your forehead, personally, Pah. While kak Ya...

Rant 4

May 23, 2015

So, I just came back from visiting my mom's lil' bro's bro-in-law, as he just done his operation after an accident. He's in unconscious state. Too many machines and wires as his life support. Mom and me met the wife, and all I said was, "Sabar ye, aunty." I never knew this people before, as the family hierarchy shows that we are no close at all. It's been a kinda-tough-but-worth-it months, plus, I feel like I have aged rapidly since especially three months back. Seriously. But as I saying, since it's worth it, I have nothing much to complain. Actually, hmm, I really really have nothing to write about. Life is just too normal. I'm giving myself at least until end of this year, before 'ridinga' a roller coaster again, insyaALLAH. Hmm.. Okey, let's write something about, how fragile and unsure life is. Hmm.. Yeah, that's that. Oh, anyway I just finally finished read this very one novel, the author is Javier Cercas and the t...