n~5ive

 Today marked the second year of me with my current job.  I used to love to say,"I love my job." But today, too, I don't feel like saying one anymore. I've been doing this particular job scope since 1st of April 2014.  Am I getting fed-up? I can't be so sure. Because, I've been pretty messed up. My mind, my life. I don't even know where to begin. By right, everything is okey. But, I am not. I feel worthless. Very demotivated. *sigh. Very bad. I'm sad.  So sad..... Help..

Ada apa dengan tarikh tersebut. Ada, hari. Erghh, I actually have problem to express stuff in my own mother tongue since the SPM days. Ask me, I will reply, "I don't know". I speak them, I write them, but to really express my points, it will automatically become another language, like, Iban, klaka Sarawak tek o. Yesterday, I went to check my self. And, I supposed to see the doctor today, but I managed to tell them that I will come back on next 16th of July 2020. hmm.. My blood pressure reading was not.. "The two numbers should never be more than 60 points apart," Dr. Elefteriades says. "Being 70 points apart suggests there could be a deeper problem, such as a leaky valve" — a condition in which bloodflow through the heart becomes more turbulent than normal. A leaky heart valve can cause shortness of breath, weakening of the heart, and, ultimately, heart failure. Go to your doctor, and he or she will probably schedule an echocardi...

Where? I'm miraculously turning 31 this year. I thought I would get over this kinda stuff, but I guess, I am not. Ever. There is something that even me, myself, do not understand. WHAT AM I ACTUALLY? Have I achieved everything at all? What do I really want? There was a time, that I was so sure that happiness is already mine. But right now? I am not. And, what is worst is, I don't even actually deserve to mention it. I'm actually a very.......jerk. I don't really do anything in my life that I deserve anything close to happiness. Blaming my past old life? Until when? Most people have moved on. So, who even care. Or I really should have been vanished. Or I am just badly 'wounded' by these people's word. 1) We won't really feel your lost since you don't really spend/do much things with us. 2) You only appear when there's something you need. Which is physically, true. Action-wise I mean. I can't blame this people anyw...