Langit tak selalunya cerah

...how how I wish it is.

The sky had been very bright, lovely, eventhough there were always darkness tried its best to show up, but I can tell, it didn't last too long, that it allowed my happiness to be taken away.

There was once, a friend, that I could actually share my thoughts on life, something too broad, in a way that's just my from perspective. Like, who am I to talk about life anyway? But, yeah, he's no longer around, and I always hope good things for his life. A friend that brought an impact in my life. I at least, feel grateful, to know the person for a while. Very short, but it's part of me today. He's gone, when I was done with my life issue. The first one, haha. I wonder if he'll ever be proud of me, if he knows what going on with me now. May God bless him.

Three years and six months. Are another numbers that I need to break. My previous incomplete degree timeline.I gave up on the seventh month.

The latter result from that decision was, the confidence I gained while I was doing my Diploma, was gone. I regretted by the decision. I could blame the surrounding that led me to decide that during those days, but............

I found the quote, and I finally realized that, I am responsible for every step and decision that I've taken. I finally realized that, everyone is just doing their things. That was when I finally became almost mute. The realization stage, I shall refer, was enough for my now-playing life guidance. r 

Now that, we have come to the final quarter of the year, and, what is so great about mentioning the years and all. Well, remember about the friend I had in the earlier lines? There was once upon a time, I specifically described my years since I was born, in one to three words. And he was, amazed by the specifications. And to be honest, I felt good on his reaction. Maybe, the attention he gave? Haha.

So, let's continue the year descriptions, where I stopped at the year 2011.

2012: Trully dark II; losing too many friends, I was too weird anyway, so I guess I deserve to face this.

2013: Rehab; was away from everything at the most remote place i"ve ever been for almost two months and a final touch of filtering whose real friend, whose not. Still the worst time of my life, but, I was a bit accepting than went against.

2014: Learning life again; can say, the 1st move to completely leave all the past behind.

2015: Living the dreams

2016: Sustaining the empire

and......2017 is still on going, but I can feel like there's a little tremble here and there. Not really my fault, but; the thing that I've been holding on to, the thing that is the reason I am today, the thing that allowed the 2014, 2015 and 2016 to happen, is having some changes. The changes that need me to look for something, somewhere else to hold on to, which, I don't expect at all. Not even now.

It's been many years since the tears coming out because of something huge. How huge is that, I need to move, to a-maybe-a-foreign-environment, and I am not in favor about it.

To be honest, I am in love with the life I have been living in since the year 2014, but this end of October 2017 will mark the three years and six months record, the timeline that I failed to pass for my degree.

Why? What so important about those timelines? 

Because before anyoneelse could worry about the way I am living, I, myself, facing the worry. I have doubt on myself. I don't believe in myself. Up till this moment. But since I have another one month to officially break the benchmark of my own, I don't think I am confident enough already. I must do something to celebrate that achievement, don't you think?

Yeah, it's been rough, lately, but, I think I should not think about making any different move until this month ends. 

"Langit tak selalunya cerah."

Hmm..

But darkness has always been the definition of me, myself, so, Noni! U KEN DU IT!

I hope.

But do you guys know what's the most 'chilling' about the losing friends part? It happened during the darkest hours. 

Huhu..

Like a local politician said, "Kawan tak selamanya kawan, musuh tak selamanya musuh." 

They can be strangers within a blink of an eye. 

Now that I maybe in the Truly Dark III phase, I should be stronger this time. Promise can be made by anyone, during the brightest seconds.

Perhaps, it's okey to face this thing again. 

It's okey to be alone, maybe..

Related post that leads to this phase:

The bridge we had built, it's heartbreaking to see it falls down, gradually.