Too lonely ride..


What I really understand about this journey is, no one cares. Everyone has their own moves. And I am responsible to my own's. The step I'm taking now, is too serious, happiness-killer and.....I am really struggling.

Every minute, almost every second, I have to decide. Even for the lousiest thing.






And I am getting tired of it.

Not to say I'm quitting, but more like, giving myself a short break. I'll take whatever had happened, as the fire-starter. After all, many things have changed. It's totally on me now. The ups and downs, no matter how many people showed their care and concern, at the end, it;s me who gotta go through it.





When things got to tight, it's not like it's my first time doing this, can say, I'm already at the pro level. *sigh.

I gotta learn to be more calm.




I'm aging, and running out of time, too.



Remember, my real motive is to live happily and freely and sincerely and happily.

So since these values are trying to distance themselves from me, then, an action must be taken by now.



On the bright side, I get to know my flaws again! To continuously telling myself  that I am a positive and all, but there's these saying, 'Action speaks louder'. And..the actions tell that, I am not that positive, anyway. Haha. So, it's just something that I have to work on, I guess. I can't let myself, to fool myself. I just can't. I can't force my feelings, my smile, my tears, my anger. I believe that, if I have the chance to blow my candles on my 67th birthday, the only thing that remain are my feelings. So I don't want to end up, regret.

Regret is so not good. Like, not at all. So, when there are things that I can simply change, I'll change. Even for my own good. Because, to me, if I am happy about myself, then it can spread to my surroundings. But not worry, at this age, the ability to identify the degree of the damage from the action I've done, is just getting better. Like I said, basically, no one cares.'

It's funny, when I have everything facilitated, but the more I feel distant. This is when things got irony.



Time, experience, love.

These are all very important to me. Then come money, as the tool.



I'll be back, with stronger mind set.

God's will.





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