n~5ive

...me, as how I care them, and I have a ground to say this. Hmm.. But of course, I have a bigger dream. Just wait for a lil' more time for it to arrive, just a lil' bit. When that day comes, *pooof* I'll become a memory. Not to say that I set any standard or, to have an out-of-this-world expectation when it comes to love, care, and love. If I were to check it myself, it's only a very normal demand. Too normal, that maybe, it became out-of-this-world. The word 'demand' is too strong, rather,....hmm.. What I can see now, is, there'll be no future. Only I know how to take care of myself. Sometimes, the two parties game, isn't so fun at all. It is as if, I limit my own capabilities on handling, stuff. Stuff. Yeah, stuff. Again, I have a bigger dream to catch. When the time arrives, I'll pack up my things, and leave. As only I know how to take care of myself. And to be honest, I can't wait for it to come. Really.

The problem with myself is, when I do something, I would do it with all my heart. But to reach that 'with all my heart', of course, analysis had been made. So when 'that' comes, nothing can stop me. Sleepless night, prayers, anything. My body condition is as if it is just waiting for the right time to explode. I had a little clue on why this happen. Clueless... But suddenly, I found the answer. Nothing is everlasting, as long as it is called a worldly journey. Relationships, especially. Being an adult means....... What is being an adult means, anyway? When I was little, I did really hate the adults. I never spoke to any of them, even with my own parents. Actually, as far as I remember, I had a speech problem. I had little vocabulary stored in my brain. Very little. I afraid about the lack of that, will turn me into some kind of a clown, or something. Something humiliating. But, as I myself have become an adult, with more life experiences, I am OK la. I d...

...and it does, still does. But for the sake of age, culture, what choice I am left with? To be what I am today, I won't say it's all because of my own strength, effort, because obviously, this, requires patience, patience and patience, and let's just say, fortunately, I wasn't even in desperate situation. But still, the path seems to be, not that easy. I believe, because God knows I can handle all these, then I am far from complaining. But, it seems, that, some words that have been spoken to me, can still be hurtful as if I rather not to own any heart at all. Time heals. It does. Still does.

*giggling