n~5ive

...I will turn 26. And I still haven't sleep. Something is  bothering my mind. But I can't identify, what it is. I wish I'm in my dreamland already, oh eyes...can you please.... Hmmm.... I will turn 26. I have achieved 75% of my resolutions for this year, was even given a bonus, where I decided to postpone it till next year, so I won't be seen as a greedy one. I have to stop being greedy. Yeah opportunity is an oportunity, but I still have to consider myself as a....human? Yeah. A human. Can I just ranting? Last weekdays, were the most fastest week ever, according to my feeling-lah. I literally awoke, cleaned, got ready, went to work, came back from work, cleaned again, ate dinners, scrolled the FB timeline, slept and repeat the whole things for 5 days straight. Before I realized it's already Friday. But oh yeah, I did spent some of my precious moments with some people. Hmm... Hmmm.......... I'm cool... I think.. Hmm.... To think about my 2016, unless ...

Not Sadness. Lousy right? But until one own my brain, my heart, my eyes, my ears, my skin, my pasts, myself, then one will nod out of agreement. But do one ever want to own any of them? What in the world, right. *laugh lousily No one can ever own me. No.  I'm sorry. But.. You.. Where are you? Why is it so hard to get you, darling? I can wait, you know, but once in a while, I can't ignore the curiosity in me that always find its way to show itself up. I want you. Until today, for almost three decades, I try to search for you. I even tried to find you at many kilometres away from my current staying. Yeah you do sometime showed up, but you never stay for long.  Why? Tell me why? Is it me?  That I never deserve to get you? Is it? But what did/do I do? I was always been nice to everything, no matter how hard it is. I can even count with my bare fingers, on how many times I did bad stuff. Even so, they were all done as my attemp...

How can I not become a stronger and tougher and harder one after all these things happened since the past, at least, three days ago? When everyone was told, it will not be done, after considered some national-safety plus technical issues, happened a few weeks back, the week when I had finally finalized all the plans. Life as a blue-collared person, has allow me to forget the frustration that I first felt the moment it was agreed to not proceed the plan, with the companion. The feeling was familiar, that I even suddenly said out loud that humans around the hearable-range heard me saying, "Siapa pernah rasa putus cinta?!" Before I realized some respondents on the left side of my working station raised their hands, out of, agreement? Yeah... I just couldn't believe that, whatever I had planned is not going to happen. It was worth a 3-months planning, it's all in my mind, then suddenly, it wouldn't happen? The whole morning in the office was just witnessi...

......and if you need me, You kiss me, And tell mr how you feel. And if you want me, You show me, That your love is for real. And if you love me.... You hold me in your arms where I belong, So while I'm feeling strong. I sing you one last song... One last song, I'll sing for you, Like I always do. This time is for real, I never come to you like this, Expecting you to return my kiss... No no no......... One Last Song A1