ashkarkah saye? - Siri x -

Well well well, so I have not more than 2 hours before my 'ashkar' ID expire. Let me embrace this last moment.

I love the system. It fits me very well, or in other word, it is something that I need. I was literally a jerk, stupid, knew nothing, no necessary life experience,  I have to say, owned too little what peeps called as common sense. Really. I may knew things theoretically, but, I lose to the world when it came to practical. There were even times when I thought that my motor skills were "impaired". Heh.

I grew, 'here'. Seriously. I just love the me, during those days. I learned so much things 'here'. I just want to thank god, for destined me to be 'here'. And I believe, that is all for something for my today; a preparation. Sometimes, I can't imagine, what will I become today, if hadn't go through all those training and yeah, training. I never tried things, but 'here' I had to. Like, I had no choice but to try, and I took it as part of the training.

One of the highest value that I learned was responsibilities. Man, I was a good 'runner' for my whole life, back then. Again, 'here' I had no choice, but to deal with it. It doesn't matter what kind of responsibilities, big or not big, small or average, when I had to be responsible over it, I  thought as if I was being watched in 24/7, until it was done. I didn't even know what's a responsible. Back then, I just thought it was cool, to handle things, as I might be highly regarded, or might get credits and stuff, but 'here' I understood that, responsibilities come with burden on the shoulders. They are heavy. But I have to find ways, the efficient one, to make them become lighter. Yeah, I learned it 'here'. So, responsibilities, they are no fun, but they make me become a human. After all, we all do have responsibilities to handle, every single second, single time.

Endurance. Whatever that are sour, bitter or any taste that I found out to be annoying or irritating or any negative feelings can get triggered, I would just, left. I have legs, and options, right? But 'here', I had one option, that is, to stay. Because if not, quit is the other thing that I can choose.
But, "Eeee, Wani ni quitter," said this one young-but-still-older-than-me annoying lady, when I shared the intention to quit from staying 'here' during the earliest stage, to me. Dude, the only value that I had since I was in my mom's womb, is to accept challenges, whatelse, the one that is asked for. And yeah, because of those one simple and sharp sentence, I am(almost end) a person with "Leftenan Muda" title now. Heh. If the young me come to live now, she'll be in constant dumbfounded. I tolcha, I was a jerk. A complete jerk. The endurance during the training, and I think, the stuff that I endured the most was, the people of the system. I don't want to elaborate too detail about this point, but I really have to say, to live with these strangers, was one of the worthy-to-get-claps-and-standing-ovation-by-every-living-creatures-on-earth action I had ever experienced. I have to say, almost 85.5% of the human in the system, I dislike. But I endured, at least during those days a a cadet officer.

Sweating. I never taste my sweat until I was 'here'. And those sweats were paid. It was like, I literally realizing that Malay idiom, "Hasil titik peluh" into reality. I swear, it was so cool. I didn't have any idea at all, that, I can be a 'workaholic' kinda person. So, 'here', I found it out in myself.

Detail and perfectionist. I may be originally a perfectionist already, but to be a detail-type of person, I just care less. Nothing seemed to be so important in my life. So, I guess, I have changed a lil' on this too.

The thing is, I just have changed. I have to say, it's hard as I own a personality which, not many can keep up with. My adaptation skill, everything, they were all being trained. I feel like, I have so much things to write, but I think, let's wrap things up.

Yeah, I am an ashkar, even I am just the reserved one. But, officially, the title will be expired by 2359 hours, tonight. Then, things will be a complete, memories.

I really want to thank, so many people. Mentioning names is not cool anymore, but deepest region in my heart and brain, there's no way I can forget everyone. Nada.
Thank you, Thank you for entering my life, once. Thank you, Just, thank you, The spirit, is something that I'll retain.

Thank you, again.






Lt. Muda Nur Syazwani binti Ghani PSSTUDM
78009*2