n~5ive

People of my past, why do you guys have to go? Why can't we talk like the old times? Why that little rough road, soon after we past it, everything got changed along? Why life is like that? I want to talk to you guys again.... I miss you guys... Maybe you guys had seen that dark and ugly side of me, so you guys chose to back off. But it's been a long time ago.... Can't you guys even consider a little? I'm sorry if I was so wrong last time, but I'm okey now. I promise. Even though a thought of forgetting you guys is always been my core of mindset, for leaving me during my most vulnerable, weak, full of pretense, but please believe me, I had no choice back then. I just want to talk with you guys. Talking about our current life. Like that dark moments were never even happened. Because, still you had seen the best of me, too. And I'm back now. I miss you guys. For some of you, I do understand, there is no way a two ways communication would ever ...

It's the 8th or 9th since I first started the habit. The travelling moments that consume almost the whole late morning dawn, rather than having my head bend down looking at a lighted-screen for a long time, staring at words and thoughts who's published without getting any 'censorship' check by those 'Friends' in Facebook, a real book is what I prioritize. It's not that I'm detached completely from that so-called social medias world, where there are much more than Facebook; WhatsApp, WeChat, and these medias where they require too much communications, mostly the unnecessary one, where for me, I thought that I am not yet belong into that world. Just NOT YET for now. Twitter is cool, I have an account where I only follow some influenced-peeps, and yeah, no real known-friends in there. The place I'll gain inspirations and motivations. Maybe I can finally say that, I have changed. After all, today marks a second months since my 25th anniversary living...

I supposed to have entered my dreamland right now, but, I don't want to suppress my feeling-is-kinda-down-right-now. As I said, this place is where I can pour out almost every of my emotional-issues. Writing. Typing. Structured. This week, the issue is 'cats'. Basically, Min-Jeong(the mother of all cats inside the house) is now a grandmother of seven, That's not include her own where there are four of them. High rise(yea, we moved), ten peeps under one roof, and twelve cats? *gulp Mama couldn't handle most of their nature issues anymore, after all, most of us got out as early as right after Subuh Athan, and be home, it's already dark. Pity Mama, she has to take care of these twelve. So, the 3rd sister, Mimie, uploaded these twelve creatures in a Facebook Group, something like 'Cat Adoption' group, I'm not sure, last night. Apart from Mimie's effort, I too, always saw Mama does her Tahajud inside my room, wanting the best for the cats(I think...

Currently, her closest friend is this blog, why she calls it a closest friend, simply because only this blog where she can pour every details in her mind in the most structured and mindful way. And oh yeah, she would really love to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. As she already learnt that being like everyone else is not a crime at all, therefore, before she types down her so-called resolutions, let's just go backward a little. Her true life was actually started around when she turned 21. That was not long after she graduated her first Diploma. Degree story line was rough where eventually she decided to make it a full stop, for a while. Sorting off all kind of emotional factors, leaving whatever sane mind could digest only, the reason was to work on cash. Thinking about debts she needs to 'spend' later on, making her shaky decision turned into a firm one. Have to admit, it wasn't a sweet-in-the-naked-eyes journey at all. Not at all. It took more than the time fr...

It's a new year again.