n~5ive

It's been a very lonely journey. She's actually going through everything on her own. Maybe she seems to be ignorant, mindless, selfish, irritating, in anyone's naked eyes. But's she is lonely. Being her trueself, what is trueself at the first place? If she could, she'll do whatever she wants and likes, disobeying every single rules, and ignore. But what choice does she have? She was taught to always seek for eternal happiness that can't be found in here. She does have desires. Desires to conquer the world, desires to make whatever crosses her mind that seems impossible to be true, desires to be..... And, she has no choice but to wait... Waiting for the eternal happiness. When? No one knows. Will she ever be selected? To be part of the happiness? She couldn't ignore the emptiness occupying within her. The unexplainable pain. It's like volcano readily to be erupted at any moment, vomiting lava of yearns that have been buried for years. But all she...

As in mean of relationship between a lady and a man. She's not like most ladies out there especially ladies at her age, but how can she be so sure about it, and even dare to make comparison like that? She knew that when all the men that she's been 'specially connected' with, previously, they shared the same complaints. What were the complaints? They always ended up fighting and arguing. As far as she concerns, she's always been a provocative one. Ego? Not so much, because she's too, always the one who apologize in the first hand. But who like to keep a relationship like that? More sounded like a bipolar-type of relationship. And that way, men left her. It's true right? The men? She's calling you out, the MEN. But to say specifically that she's been dumped, she doesn't think that's really a correct term to use, as she never really has a boyfriend. Like, telling to whomever like, "Hey! This is my boyfriend." Never. It'...

1989 I was born. 1990 I got no idea how was I doing, 1991 Still clueless. 1992 Maybe I was still too innocent to understand life as a birthday person. 1993 Nope, still blur. 1994 Erm? 1995 Mama gave me a bag filled with colourful of toy blocks. I remember of playing them at the doorway, and she was in rush to attend a course at somewhere. I played them alone, I still remember. And the feeling? I felt happy. I did. Location was in Terengganu. 1996 My cousin who's sharing the same birth-month except that hers is on two days earlier, we celebrated together with what I could say, a very huge birthday party attended by relatives, neighbours and all I could remember was, there were so many people. We both wore a flower-pattern dresses. We kinda had this issue of choosing Pak Uda's gift, at the end I got Mc Donald's Apple-Pie Maker toy version, and she got a teddy bear. Kinda felt bad because of the selfishness, but, should I say, what past is past? Location ...