n~5ive

It's been 20 days, since I first stepped on that ground again. The ground where I thought won't ever accept my present again. "Is it possible for me to come back?" "Nope, since you just went away without any notice, so, nope.  We will never accept you anymore," bluntly.  A lady of my own race.  Phone call. Tears. Heartbroken. Disbelief. Shattered. Until at one moment, I decided to move on. The second event after letting go of my ashkar life. I accepted the fact that I won't have the chance to be part of it, anymore. Maybe some other ground could accept me, hence, letting me to finish up the unfinished business. Time passes by. Doesn't care a bit about ones concern. I filled all the void by realizing some of the minor dreams. The arrangements were made that I won't be available for any long term activities for at least in 2 years ahead. Fully booked. Physically and mentally. But on one fine day, somewhere on Augus...

I have a dream. For some, it might be so meh, but, for me? It's a huge deal. I want to be a fine person. In and out. I don't want to evaluate stuff from, 4 or 5 years ago, 'cos they were just toooo out-dated. Rather, something that I've been consistently working on since exactly 3 years ago. Why 3 years ago? Because that's the moment where I completely left all that 4 or more years stories, away from my life. Those entries, where the hatred were reals. The rage. Were all real sh*ts. I was so mad about many things. But only 3 years ago, that I decided not to entertain those revengeful thoughts anymore. Why? Because I just chose to do it. No external force. Just me. Where I..in a religious-ful manner, I can say that, it's my turning point in life. I completely decided to live according to what it is. Less expectation, less rely, less of everything that was once my food. So 3 years of, I shall call, beta stage, where I practiced a close to perfect characte...