n~5ive

.....especially about you. To say you are completely out of the league, I have to say, it's not true. Somewhere inside the organ systems, you are in there. But what I'm so sure, the accepted-the-reality side of me hates this so much. I really freaking need to move on.....from you, as you are the only one 'thing', that stays without a concrete reason. I have promised myself, that you'll be removed completely by the first half of this year. Forgetting you means, there'll be not a single prayer I'll do for you, where I slowly did over 2 months ago. Some girlfriends asked me to pray if you are meant for me, asked HIM to make us closer, but nay.... We are not living with cameras in front of us, while reading the line of scripts, scripted by the scripter, cliché, a predictable end. A better way to cure the pain of last time whenever the image of you stuck in my head is to start training myself to become feelingless. All I just need a little more time of trai...

....because, no matter how much time has passed until today, no matter how much obstacles we have gone through together until now, there's this one matter that still remain in me. I talk too long and draggy. But if I can complain, I first want to ask, how frequent do I even talk? It's only once in a while, right? Because if not, why were you once mentioned that we didn't talk? Why? I cannot feel anything but tears keep flowing down my cheek since then. Am I sad? But why? Why it keeps coming? And there is familiarity about this. Why are you still, too, doing this to me? I never asked to be like this. But, I still do as you asked, so I hope you are happy, and don't worry, maybe these tears are just salty-water secreted out of happiness. Yeah, maybe it is something positive! I am positive human after all. Yeah.. But why I feel this familiarity? I feel like this feeling is so close to my heart. Something about, last time... Why these tears are still not stop...