n~5ive

The intention was to do my Admin Law's assignment. But, as usual, the mind got distracted over many things.  The title though, well, no one is really 'gone', but, this Covid thing, is really changing our whole life, in a very new dimension, isn't it? To me, our 'freedom' is really being taken away.  My Mak Cu and Pak Cu(Perak's fam), are now recovering from the virus. Mak Cu was on the stage 3, while Pak Cu, was on 4. Both of them were treated separately, Mak Cu was in MAEPS, while Pak Cu was in HTAR. It's not too much to say that Pak Cu's condition were so bad, but Alhamdulillah, both were discharged, and Alhamdulillah, can go back home, to their beloved children.  .... But today, we all received a news..... a sad one. Mak Uda@Aunty Dolly... she's unwell and as per just now, unconscious.  We all, the Perak's family, did Yaasin recitation via Zoom. In the hope that, Allah will grant her conscious and better health again. The vaccine's res...

 I have to stop thinking about going to turn back time, which is the most impossible things to do. Rather, I have to think, what will happen in 10 years time, after all, I've been living for 32 years by now.  I can do it.

 Today marked the second year of me with my current job.  I used to love to say,"I love my job." But today, too, I don't feel like saying one anymore. I've been doing this particular job scope since 1st of April 2014.  Am I getting fed-up? I can't be so sure. Because, I've been pretty messed up. My mind, my life. I don't even know where to begin. By right, everything is okey. But, I am not. I feel worthless. Very demotivated. *sigh. Very bad. I'm sad.  So sad..... Help..

Ada apa dengan tarikh tersebut. Ada, hari. Erghh, I actually have problem to express stuff in my own mother tongue since the SPM days. Ask me, I will reply, "I don't know". I speak them, I write them, but to really express my points, it will automatically become another language, like, Iban, klaka Sarawak tek o. Yesterday, I went to check my self. And, I supposed to see the doctor today, but I managed to tell them that I will come back on next 16th of July 2020. hmm.. My blood pressure reading was not.. "The two numbers should never be more than 60 points apart," Dr. Elefteriades says. "Being 70 points apart suggests there could be a deeper problem, such as a leaky valve" — a condition in which bloodflow through the heart becomes more turbulent than normal. A leaky heart valve can cause shortness of breath, weakening of the heart, and, ultimately, heart failure. Go to your doctor, and he or she will probably schedule an echocardi...

Where? I'm miraculously turning 31 this year. I thought I would get over this kinda stuff, but I guess, I am not. Ever. There is something that even me, myself, do not understand. WHAT AM I ACTUALLY? Have I achieved everything at all? What do I really want? There was a time, that I was so sure that happiness is already mine. But right now? I am not. And, what is worst is, I don't even actually deserve to mention it. I'm actually a very.......jerk. I don't really do anything in my life that I deserve anything close to happiness. Blaming my past old life? Until when? Most people have moved on. So, who even care. Or I really should have been vanished. Or I am just badly 'wounded' by these people's word. 1) We won't really feel your lost since you don't really spend/do much things with us. 2) You only appear when there's something you need. Which is physically, true. Action-wise I mean. I can't blame this people anyw...

The recent event really had shaken things up. Even after a week, I cannot comprehend any of its logical. It's literally something that was not exist, but, this creature, simply created it, hence shattered people's heart and later, act innocent. And....not-so-surprising, this d****** has a biggest back-up. I DO NOT TRUST ANYTHING FROM NOW OWN. NOT A SINGLE THING. NOPE It was unexpected, that I did not even prepare my mind, even for 0.1%-ly. That, just really brought me back to where I wasn't even at the starting point. I......am becoming that monster again. Apparently, whatever you keep inside, will eventually appear to the outside. Without you really want it to be. But, what's the difference. Nobody is at my side, so what? SO F****** WHAT? But, perhaps, this time around, I have more power to change from the previous similar event, but.... I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. I WILL NOT. KEEP BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEAR FROM A THIRD PARTY. I DON'T CAR...